Cocktail Confessions

Making Jeff Foxworthy proud.

Okay,  that title isn’t really fair, but it’s not that far off either.

Jeremiah Weed currently makes a small selection of spirits and malt berverages.  Here, I am refering only to the malt beverage, Roadhouse Tea.

My wife bought me a six pack of this stuff after I expressed some interest in it after Adam Corolla has been pimping it on his podcast for the last few months ad-nauseum.  I originally tried the vodka laced Sweet Tea of theirs thinking it may be a nice substitute for the Seagram’s brand of Sweet Tea Vodka.  Well, I’ll tell you right now, I think the Seagrams version is a bit better.  I found the Jeremiah Weed a bit too sweet for my liking.  I mean, I wouldn’t pour it out, but given the choice of Sweet Tea vodka’s in the future, it wouldn’t be my first choice.

Anyway, back to the canned malt beverage variety (pictured, can on far right).  It is 5.8% and comes in these 1 pint, 7.5 oz cans they label “premium”.  I think the only thing “premium’ about this is the artwork that goes into the cans…you have to admit, they are a bit interesting looking and I’d wager standout a bit more while staring back at you from their refrigerated cases at Wal-Mart.

Now I personally think it’s a gimmick, and I’ll admit they got me to try it based on some marketing level, but it’s not what I was expectinga nd am really surprised (or am I?) how popular these are becoming in certain markets.  Maybe the Spiked Cola or Lightning Lemonade does in fact taste better, but knowing it’s based on a ‘malt beverage’ , don’t expect it. 

Actually I found this to taste: 1) Thicker (if that’s even a taste) than I expected, 2) “syrup-ey”, 3) and has a tin can after-taste.  No joke on that last one.  I had a few of them, and with each swig, I thought I could taste metal in the end.  The first thing I’d like to suggest to them is to line the can, ala Keystone beer did as a gimmick in the early 90′s and maybe that would help eliminate that metallic bite.

Cokctail in a Can. 80's hoopla for piss.

Overall it really reminded me of those God awful Club Mixers in a can that used to be the rage in the 80′s.  We all watched too much Miami Vice and wanted to pretend we were all as swanky as Crocket. 

As a matter of fact, a good friend of mine (whose ironically in law enforcement these days) used to buy these for me occassionally when we were under age and in High School (sorry mom).  There was a small liquor store in the area, and I have no idea what those guys behind the counter were thinking (they probably didn”t or could care less), but they’d sell my friend wine collers, beer, and booze with his shitty fake I.D. when we were all but 17 and 18 years of age.  Back then I tried the Club “Long Island Ice Tea”….and it tasted like crap out of a can…but hell, we were 18 years old and I wasn’t about to toss that down the drain no matter how disgusting they were.

So when I drink the Jeremiah Weed canned Sweet Tea, it reminds me of sneaking crap back in 1988.  Those tasted like tin as well.

I live this drink to the lower demographics….yeah, you know what I’m talking about.

I actually need a strong drink today.  I’m in a pisser mood (brought to you by my pointless work meetings that go nowhere, and my wife’s spending habits).  I’ve been clenching my jaw so hard today and fixating on things I’m actually feeling a stress headache coming on, so no doubt am I happy to discuss a libation or two.

If you take a look over at my Cocktails page, you’ll see that around this time last year I offered up two Gingerbread martini recipes for the holiday season.  Well, now I’m back with a third recipe that my friend Patrice shared with me.  Her and her husband recently had a cocktail party at their house to commemorate the completion of their recent restroom renovation.  Yes, it’s just a veiled excuse to throw a party, but who am I to complain or turn it down.  Anyway, Patrice and her daughter supposedly had been working very diligently to perfect their Gingerbread martini recipe and by the result I myself tasted, I think they are spot on.

So without further ado, here is version 3.0:

Gingerbread Martini v3

• 1 oz Ketel One (or other premium) vodka
• 1 oz Bailey’s Irish Creme
• 1/2 oz Kahlua
• 1/2 oz gingerbread syrup (try Starbucks brand if you can)
• 1/2 scoop of semi melted quality vanilla ice cream.
• Place all ingredients in a blender, give a quick mix, then pour over ice in cocktail shaker.
• Strain in a sugar rimmed martini glass and serve with a gingerbread man cookie as garnish.

Okay, as you can tell, this is a little heavy on the calories and the sugar.  It truly is a dessert cocktail that is reminiscent of a hand poured ice cream shake.  Be careful though…too many of these may equal one dandy of a headache.

Got another one for you as well, just for kicks:

Candy Cane

• 3oz Blue Ice vodka
• 1/2-1 oz Peppermint Schnapps (adjust to your preference)
• Combine in cocktail shaker with ice, strain into martini glass.
• Garnish with small candy cane stick as a twizzler.

Before you feel the need to send me an email to remind me that my last two entries were about me making a concerted effort in dropping my cholesterol, weight, and putting off a few cocktails for a couple of weeks, this is in fact a blog that I like to share recipes with you.

And what two better ingredients to talk about than bacon and bourbon?  They say everything is better with bacon and who am I to disagree?  I will prove to you here today that in fact alcohol is indeed better with bacon.  Bourbon pairs very well with cured pork.  Haven’t you ever heard of the Jack Daniels brand of BBQ sauces? 

Whisky goes hand in hand with grilling, so it only makes sense that a relationship between bacon and whisky should be as natural as peanut butter and chocolate.  The lingering caramel hints match keenly with the richness and smoke of bacon while the whisky’s spice brings it all together like a warm hug from Olivia Wilde.

So let’s get to it.

You’ll need the following:

• A Lindsey Lohan starter kit of good bourbon, say 750ml of the decent stuff….don’t go generic or cheap on me here.  The impurities and bite of low grade whisky can make this slightly bitter and won’t help the headache front at all.  Go just about middle of the road, so as you aren’t spoiling the real good stuff either.
• 1lb bacon.  Also, look for as slab that may not be too high in salt or preservatives.  You’ll disappoint me if you buy the cheap bacon as well.  As a matter of fact, if that’s what you’re determined to do, then stop reading this now and move along….I don’t want to talk you.  No, seriously, move along and leave this to the proper gentlemen.
• A pitcher with a wide mouth. (Insert your own Kardashian joke here).
• A fine mesh strainer.
• Unbleached coffee filters or like filtering material.

Directions:

Start be frying the bacon up and reserving all of the grease.  Be careful of not burning your bacon….the burnt taste will infuse the grease which is something we want to avoid, that is unless you like the taste of charcoal briquettes.  Strain the grease and allow it to cool (be very careful, grease burns and accidents are painful).  Once cool, pour into pitcher along with your whisky, give a good stir, and place in freezer for a few hours (preferably overnight).  BTW: You have a pound of bacon to contend with now, so make yourself a salad or omelet or something.  When cold, the bacon grease will float to the top and form a solid fat cap.  Remove this solid cap as best as possible and strain the rest to remove any lingering fat chunks.  Your newly minted bacon infused bourbon will keep in the fridge for about 2-3 weeks.  Now try a pinch in a cup of hot chocolate, or other favorite whisky drink.  *You can use the same process on either vodka or tequila and wow your friends with a very unique Bloody Mary.

Eyeballing - Sport of the mentally challenged.

There is apparantly a new trend that has orginated somewhere in the U.K. amongst their crooked toothed teens, and of course not to be outdone, we here in the states seem to have spawned our own home grown collection of idiotic teens.

I came across this news story today about a new fad termed “Eyeballing.”:

Vodka eyeballing. It’s the latest drinking fad on YouTube, and it could cause blindness.

Hundreds of online videos that originated in the U.K. show teens pouring vodka directly into their eyes, straight from the bottle. The videos are getting hundreds of thousands of hits.

Substance abuse expert Mike Gimbel claims kids aren’t eyeballing to get drunk faster, but do it when the effects of alcohol have already set in and impaired their judgment. Eyeballing is more of a prank than a way to become more intoxicated.

“They’re not doing it to get more drunk, they’re doing it as part of a fad. ‘I dare you to do this,’” Gimbel said.

Robert Stutman, president of the Maryland Optometric Association, said eyeballing can be very damaging to the eyes. Vodka is 40 to 50 percent alcohol and can burn and scar the cornea.

“It probably could [cause blindness] if it caused severe enough scarring of the cornea,” Stutman said.

Personally, while I understand the flawed concept of trying to get buzzed quicker, I just cannot imagine anybody in their right mind thinking that pouring alcohol directly into their eyes is gonna turn out good in any form.  For one, you’re just wasting your good booze (or not so good depending on what you have on hand).  How goofy do you look by pouring a shot or more in your eye when 99%+ is just going to spill down your face and into your shirt.  Plus, you can’t taste it, so what’s the point?

The mindset is that you can introduce alcohol quicker into the bloodstream by allowing capillaries close to to the surface of the skin to absorb alcohol directly, therefor bypassing the conventional method of swallowing alcohol down the gullet into the stomach where it is to be processed and then waiting for the intended effects as the alcohol has to travel back upwards to the brain.

I for one knew of this concept back when I was a teen myself, but I also know that pouring alcohol into certain tissues causes a horrific burn.  Just watch any old western movie where they use a bottle of whisky to sterilize a gunshot or knife wound.  Hell, I can’t recall one injured cowboy that either didn’t flinch from the pain or got drunk via this shotgun medical practice. 

That being said, I recall from my youth that in biology classes I once took that the area just under the tongue that attaches to your lower jaw is chock full of capillaries and the ’tissue’ is relatively thin.  I also know that there are a lot of medications that are termed ‘sub-lingual’, that is they are intended to be absorbed quickly by the body when placing drops under the tongue.  Back in the day, I used to take a good swig of a beverage and hold it under my own tongue for a brief period of time before swallowing.  I figured even back then that the alcohol could be introduced to my bloodstream much quicker this way, and since its proximation to the brain was relatively closer than my stomach, that I would get buzzed slightly faster.

Now, while I am not advocating or endorsing my own practices, it just makes a helluva lot more sense than dumping a bottle in my eye likes it Visine.

It’s going to be a long day today, that I can tell.

Last night I met some friends and ex-coworkers at a sports bar in the area called Rudy’s, where I got my pint on.  Not a lot, and I didn’t feel hammered in the least.  With that being said, I barely slept a wink last night.  It was freezing cold (I forgot to turn the heater on), and I tossed and turned all night.  At one point, roughly 2:30 am, I just got up and went on the computer for about a half hour.  I probably slept a grand total of three hours last night, so I am sure I’ll be a very chipper person as the day wears on.  All I know is thank goodness it is both Friday and casual day at work.  I’m telling you right now, I don’t have the energy or motivation to do jack squat.

At the gas station, I did spend $3.48 (that includes tax) on the 5-hour Engery drink that is advertised all over.  It promises that I won’t suffer a crash later and I’m holding out until lunch time to use it, so we’ll see.

Anyway, this drink recipe today is inspired by my recent lunches at Chick-Fil-A, where I’ve been having some sweet tea with my lunch.  I also get a lot of searches here on my Seagrams Sweet Tea vodka entry I made some time ago, so I figured, why not another sweet tea based drink?  This is for when you need a little pick me up during the weekend, after doing some gardening chores or detailing the car on a warm afternoon, where the thought of regular ice tea sounds good, but just isn’t enough by itself.

Sweet Tea-tini

• 1 3/4 oz premium vodka
• 1 oz sweet tea (heavily sweetend fresh brewed iced-tea, a staple in the south)
• 1/4 oz fresh squeezed lemon juice
• Lemon wedge or lemon rind twist for garnish.

1. Pour ingredients in cocktail shaker filled with ice.
2. Shake well, preferably due a samba dance if you can.
3. Strain into a chilled, sugar rimmed martini glass.
4. Garnish with lemon wedge or twist.
5. Look coyly at neighbor and give ‘em a wink.

One of my closest friends, Albert Ihle, came over this past weekend to help me replant an earthbox he gave me over this past holiday season.  The past few months, this earthbox gift supplied a bountiful and rich bounty of lush and organic lettuce leaves.  With the original four heads that were planted (along with some parsley to boot), Monica and I had tons of green leaves for both salads and sandwiches with left overs to share.  Of course, being organic not only did they taste better and we knew they couldn’t be any fresher from our pickings, but they were chock full of vitamins

However, with the seasons changing from winter into spring, it was time to replant.  Al called me up and asked me what I may be interested in trying to grow this time around, and with the weather going to warm up soon and summer in just a few months away, I opted to go with some fresh chili peppers.  Monica and I enjoy entertaining with large BBQ’s with our friends, and since we also like Mexican dishes, I opted to buy a few jalepenos plants, some anaheim chilis, and cilantro.

It was a perfect 8 am morning roll call when Al showed up this past Saturday and with Bloody Mary’s in hand, we got down to business. What you see in these pictures is a what an earthbox looks like.  Albert and his wife Lisa have been growing many of their own produce for the last three years and we’ve tasted their homemade sweet marinara sauce, had numerous grilled veggies, and of course their own salads.  Click on the links yourself if you want to learn more about this way of planting and growing your own sustainable foods in your garden.

Earthbox example

What’s nice about this episode is that it is a great example of using the portable Zoom H2 recorder out in the field.  I recored approx. 50 minutes of straight audio which I got o edit down for your plreasure, all while learning about earthboxes and plenty of gardening and growing tips.  I also shot some video as well using a Kodak Playsport flash cam at the same time and I’m in the process of editing those for a future posting as well.  So not only can you enjoy this very educational podcast, with a few shots of vodka mixed in by yours truly, you’ll also eventually see some video clips as well.

Bloody Mary’s featured in this episode were made with Snug Harbor mix, winner of the ‘outstanding beverage’ award at the 1998 International Fancy Food Show.  What makes this Bloody Mary mix unique is it’s inclusion and blend of both clam juice and Chesapeake Bay Seasoning.  If you aren’t making a cocktail, try using it as a cooking sauce, maybe even a booster in Mexcian Ceviche.  You can find this online or unique liquor and gifts stores like Home Goods.  The bootles are 25oz in size and retail for approx $8.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (41.1MB)

I’ve kinda been having a time crisis or ‘crisis of time’ depending on how you want to look at it in adding fresh content to this site as of late.  Some of my recent Podcast appointments have fallen through due to unforeseen circumstances, but I hope to get some new episodes up soon enough.

So what better way to put a little break in this apparent lull by introducing a new drink I discovered a few months ago and a few recipes I found.  To be honest, as of this writing I haven’t actually tried the included recipes, but more or less have just drank this yummy libation on ice all by it’s southern inspired self.

First of all, I love ice tea.  That is natural ice tea, fresh brewed tea leaves and cold filtered water over a tall glass of ice.  Add a sprig of mint, maybe a slice of lime, orange, or traditional lemon.  I like black Ceylon tea, lemon grass tea, green tea, and a few other distinct concoctions like an Arnold Palmer (1/2 tea, 1/2 lemonade), or Arabic tea (very, very sweet tea with bulk Turkish tea leaves and diced mint).

When I was in high school and even college, I went through a Long Island Ice Tea phase as well (1p gin, 1p tequila, 1p rum, 1p whisky, splash of coke and a bit of sweet & sour liqueur).  I used to drink the pre-mixed Club mixes (not the best), but mostly make my own and loved them.

Anyway, not to long ago at my local BevMo I found this Seagram’s flavored Sweet Tea Vodka drink.  It looked interesting, and it was cheap, so I figured “Why not?”  Needless to say I was hooked my very first sip.  It tastes exactly how you would think a pitcher of down south sweet tea should taste, with of course a little kick.  Not the kinda vodka kick that burns your pipes, but on the contrary it is very smooth and mellow and can sneak up on you quick.  Not to brag or boast, but I’ve been known to polish off a 750ml bottle in a night or over two, and I’ve failed to get a hangover on it so far….I’m sure that’s just luck, and now that I say it, the next time I probably will hurt.

I’ve been a one man Seagram’s spokesperson for this drink and I found that you eaiterh really like it, or it isn’t your cup of tea.  Fortunately, most people like it (especially the gals) and the ones who don’t tend to have an aversion to really sweet things anyway.

Seagram’s brand is actually made by White Rock Distillery based in South Carolina.  I think it pairs really well with southern food, including of course BBQ, and is a very refreshing drink on ice.  But as promised here are a few Sweet Tea recipe’s:

Sweet Tea Lemonade

- 1.5 part Seagram’s Sweet Tea Vodka in high ball glass.

- Fill remainder with Crystal Lite lemonade mix (or for variety, instead of lemonade mix, try cherry limeade or peach mix)

Sweet Tea and Mint

1.5 part Seagram Sweet Tea Vodka in high ball glass

.5 part Peppermint Schnapps

1 part sour mix

- Fill remainder of glass with Sprite

Long Island Sweet Tea

- 1 part Seagram’s Sweet Tea in high ball glass.

- .5 parts: light rum, silver tequila, gin, and Triple Sec

- Splash of ‘Rose of lime’