Cocktail Confessions

Yes, this is indeed a ‘real’ device.  I don’t have the time or effort or even the absurd level of creativity to have photo-shopped this myself.  However, our vertically challenged friends from the land of the rising sun continually surprise us in their masterful inventions of the inane have given the world it’s newest overpriced trinket: The Watermelon Cart,

Yes, for roughly 19,950 yen, or $231 for us yanks you to can buy an exclusive watermelon cooling crad to transport your melon from the store to your next beach bbq or family picnic.  Perhaps the tried and true method of USING YOUR ARMS has suddenly become passe or too hard?

No, just what these rich bastards with too much money in their pockety need, a portable baby cart for a fricken melon.  Thank goodness it is exclusively manufactured and sold only in Japan.  Can you imagine the guffaws and remarks one would get here if you were seen pusing around a single melon in a space aged design push cart with a dome?  But then again, I suppose the likes of the Housewives of Orange County (actually , Atlanta) would probably parade this around.  Can you imagine being the schmoe your wife has directed into performing the walk of shame dragging this contraption to the family reunion?  I’d never live it down.

You know the world is running out of things to invent and design when Japan, the proud creators of used panty vending machines, are now snubbing the faces of sub-saharan tribespeople with temperature controlled melon carts.

So as any self respecting nerdy geek like myself will admit to without embarrassment, I enjoy video games.  Always have.  My very first console was an Intellivision, followed by the following: Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, Xbox, Wii, Xbox 360.  That doesn’t include the portable systems I’ve owned as well: GameBoy advance and PSP nor my pure gaming rig, the PC computer.

Anyways, I’ve played a lot of games over the years.  Some good, some bad, some strange.  But Japan has the market on weird shit as the picture states.  The land of the rising sun in all their tech savvy ways is also very perverted.  That’s not to say the Germans and a few other European countries don’t give the Japanese a run for their money when it comes to eroticism and perversion…well, I suppose perversion is in the eye of the beholder, but the Japanese often blend sex with just about anything they can.  Take vending machines for instance:  it is well known that Japanese business men can often be seen dropping coins into public vending machines in order to obtain panties.  Yes…panties.  Not sure if they are ‘used’ or not, but no one seems to think this is out of the ordinary over there.

They are also obsessed with Manga, or to qualify, cartoonish looking robots and young school girls with larger than life eyes, huge breasts, and some kind of innocent-slash-constipated look on their faces.

Now throw in video games.

This is what you get: Eroge, a video games that not only encourages masturbation, but also keeps score and statistics regarding your solo activities if you feel so inclined.  Yes, you are indeed reading this correctly….the game keeps track of how many times you have decided to a choke the proverbial chicken.  There are numerous categories you can enter data in (wash your hands first though), such as: Did you use socks today?  How long did it take you?  How many times did you spank the monkey today?  You get the idea.  The best part is, there is a handy graphing tools as well for those math centric racial stereotyping we are go good at.  Hey, go compare your graph with that of your friend.  Fun!