Cocktail Confessions

I know, I know…I’ve been a horrible blogger as of late.  No excuses other than sheer laziness, but here’s what’s happening lately:

• Wife still hasn’t found a job.  Been just over three months and not even a bite.  I know she’s getting stir crazy and depending on the day, a bit moody.  I understand the economy is tough, and unemployment figures are still hovering at a national average of 10%, closer to 12% in CA, so I take that into consideration.  But kids, let this be a note to you…if you hate retail, then stay in school.  The fact that my wife does not have anything beyond a H.S. diploma seems to be a major thorn in her quest to even get a call back from anybody.
• The step-daughter, after 8 month moved back in with us.  Time will tell if she’s changed, or matured, for the better.  Ohio was rough on her….couch surfing, running with a wrong crowd, having issues with her manager, etc., etc.  So she moved back last week and so far….not bad….but it’s too early for me to render any judgement thus far on positive behavioral and attitude changes.
• I started yet another new blog, Willoughby Junction, on my love for model railroading.  Go ahead, click the link to see a 41 year old dude play with trains.
• Wife did paint the kitchen a nice deep aqua blue color that real stands out in a positive way.  Everyone whose seen it so far has liked it, and I’ll have to admit, I do too.  I was a bit leary on her painting (see how she handled past painting projects), and she did fairly well….if only she would have took off the face plates off sockets first.  But we corrected that.
• My weight….Sigh….well, I put back a few pounds, but overall not so much.  Remember, I started at 237 lbs back around January 4th of this year.  And by eating more fish, jello, water, cutting back on booze and portion sizes, and finally hitting eth gym, I got down to I think around 211-212 on my best weigh in.  Well, I’ve been feeling a bit ‘thick’ again as of late.  I know I’ve been imbibing in some additional drinking (Thanks, Steve), and a few more late night snacks.  The result?  This morning I was 222.2  So I’ve gained back around 10 pounds, but overall still down 15.  So I’m back on the oatmeal as of this morning, and hitting the gym after work, and back to drinking more water and eating more fish and steamed veggies.  I’m gonna shoot for a 5 lb loss by the end of September.
• My Schnauzer, Frankie, turned 6 years old the other day, and still the love of my life.
• Celebrated my grandfather’s 93rd birthday this past weekend.
• Camping trip to Big Bear went fairly well.  I have pictures I still need to post…..eventually.
• Counting the days until I can possibly get my hands on the new Droid Bionic.  My gen 1 Droid phone is lagging as of late, and really having a tough time of things.  I don’t like the $299 rumored price point, but I’m getting so frustrated with it.  Really need to change out the phone, but do I wait for a HTC model?  Don’t know.

Our damage. Now imagine my colon.

Had the chance to go to a local Buffalo Wild Wings yesterday afternoon and meet a friend.

If you know me, you know I love Buffalo wings, and despite what the old doctor says about watching my cholesterol, it’s hard for me to turn down wings….especially when they are FREE.  Well, okay, myabe not exactly free, but a $2 super-coupon I lucked across got me $25 gift certificate.  So basically, that $23 of free wings, and I did some damage.

I ordered the following: Desert Heat (dry rub), plus three sauced vartieties – Traditional Hot, BBQ Hot, and Wild.  Overall my buddy and I polished off some 40+ wings between the both of us and they were delicious.  As a mettr of fact, I think I may buy me some wings to take up to the cabin later this week.  Nothin better that eating sauced chicken wings, downinga  cold beer, and breathing in nature.

The only downside?  The dreaded ring of fire.  This morning, I’ve already visited the facilities twice due to a little ‘heat’ discomfort on the toilet.  My tummy is doing a slow rumble, and I’ve already had to chew a few Tums to settle it all down.  I think I’ll be okay soon enough.

Yeah, it’s a little late in the making, but today’s a great opportunity for an update and catch up on recent activities due to the rainy weather.

I’ll be working on a new entry dedicated to my sausage making shortly (maybe even later today).  I just off-loaded some pictures from my Droid phone that I took while in the kitchen while making them, and they turned out pretty good for not having touched a meat grinder in over 5 years.

Work has been slow….mind numbingly slow…so slow in fact, I’m fantasizing about other careers.  The good news is (and don’t tell my boss), it’s allowed me to start reading in earnest again and I’ve been able to finish a true crime book in about two weeks, and I started a new science fiction novel two days ago and I’ve already been able to get through the first 100 pages…just at work (albeit most of it has been during lunch breaks).  I’m getting more and more interested in buying an Android tablet (when the price is reasonable…they are just too expensive right now for a 10″ tablet) and start carrying digital books around, much like a Kindle.

My diet is still plugging along, although this past weekend I cheated a bit more than I would have liked to have and it affected my Sunday weigh-in for sure.  Saturday I spent the afternoon with a few friends ‘beering’ at a local brewery, Cismontane, and had a few pints of some heavy handed beer.  This included a rare chili-cheese dog for lunch.  Dinner that evening consisted of having a ‘sausage’ party (Yeah, I can hear all the jokes right now).  I grilled 4 different types of sausages for my friends and neighbors and this was followed by a little Jack Daniels drinking and some Oreo cookies.  But when it was all said and done, I came in the next day at 224.8 lbs, still slightly down from the previous week.  However, earlier in the week I did have two days where I was 223.8 which had me excited, but it didn’t last. 

Speaking of beer, I’m still on track to go to Brew Bakers with my friend Brian on March 12th, about 2pm and we’ll be brewing and tasting some beer.  My friend Joe had an excellent play on words for a beer, and after massaging the idea a bit and brainstorming some visuals, he came up with an excellent mock-up picture for the label.  I liked it so much that I’m going to give him a few suggestions to tweak, and I’ll end up using it for my own.  I don’t want to reveal it hear just yet, but I am excited to debut it later…it’s pretty damn funny and a collaborative effort, but Joe for sure came up with the spark.

Finally, I also started my train benchwork layout after many months of sitting idle. 

Two weekends ago I bought most of the wood, except the actual table top as Home Depot’s arm-saw was broken (I’ll go back at a later date), and other hardware.  This past Saturday I got up and started measuring, re-measuring, and then triple-measuring before I made cuts with my miter saw and began the first stages of assembly.  I ended up with a 3.5′ x 6.5′ butt-joint assembled frame (pictured) .  That’s a pretty decent beginner size for a N-scale (1:160) train layout.  I’ve already cut the legs too, at 3.5′ tall when fully assembled.  I’ll attach those this weekend and maybe get the side bracing done, then finally back to Home Depot to get the actual top.  From there, it’s trying to find sheets of pink extruded insulation foam, and then the real fun/project begins.

We also got a new TV about a week back as the old plasma died.  Well, it’s finally mounted on the wall and had Cox Cable come out and got a new DVR (more storage and HDMI compatible).  This has allowed me to ditch some cables and finally get rid of my VCR as well, so we’ve freed up some space and got rid of about a third of the cables.  I have an idea to hide the rest of them, but that’s a project for another day.

Overall, not too shabby of a start only a month and half into the new year.  Big items left to tackle is getting involved (volunteering) at an animal shelter in the area, actually take a few days for a mini vacation, cleaning out a bit more of the house and purging stuff we don’t use anylonger (there’s been a discussion of a neighborhood garage sale in the coming weeks), and a few other smaller things (like a new podcast entry).  But so far, so good, but I still feel like I need another day in the week to catch up for everything I either want to do, or just rest because the other days seems so busy.

The last few days have been a whirlwind of small personal triumphs (I’ll take them where I can get them, thank you) and frustrating moments.  Most everything here deserves a small entry in their own right, and perhaps I’ll expand on some of them in the coming days.  It all really depends on how busy I am at work, or for that matter how bored I am…which has been the predominant theme as of late:

-         My weight loss plan started out good, but came to a stall this past week.  After five weeks of eating semi-solid food (oh, how I miss the ‘crunch’), riding the bike more often at the gym, and trying to really monitor my overall diet amongst other things, I’ve lost just shy of 12 pounds.  But this past week I lost nothing at all which is a little disheartening, but no reason to get into a tizzy just yet.  I did have a few drinks over the weekend, but I don’t think enough to ruin my regime; but then again since I didn’t lose anything at all, so maybe it did after all.  The other issue is that my shoulder has been nagging me again and causing some slight discomfort overall.

-         I was able to make roughly 7 lbs of sausage, over the weekend, and brought some over to my buddies house yesterday for Super Bowl.  Not sure if they may have been grilled on the BBQ a little too long, but despite great flavor, they were a tad bit dry.  That’s weird, because with the left over meat that I didn’t stuff in a casing, I made a patty which was very juicy.  It was a lot of work, and while not my best sausage to date, the effort involved after not making for close to 6 years still was an accomplishment in my book.

-         Made my way over to Home Depot on Saturday and bought a lot of wood to start my train layout bench work.  On the downside, however, their arm saw was broken so I didn’t get any cut plywood that would have been the base of my layout, nor did I get any pink extruded foam because despite the online website stating they carry it, when I was there in person, they told me they didn’t.

-         My wife said that her sink at her vanity in the master bathroom was leaking.  A leak I can’t yet find, but there was water about underneath and onto the carpet.  Yet another item that needs to be fixed at the house that I wasn’t expecting.  Sigh.

-         My 7.5 year old plasma TV died on Sunday.  While I’m excited to buy a new TV, we weren’t planning on it until the end of the year when we had more money.  Another untimely expense in my book.

-         My job has been sucking bad this past week.  I’m at an all time low for morale right now.  My managers (yes, plural), cannot make a decision or a stand on anything if their life depended on it.  It is so frustrating to work under those who can’t commit to anything and seem wishy-washy on anything thrown their way.  I wake up in the mornings imagining ways to get out early or to look busy, but neither I nor my wife are in a position to quit right now.

-         The Motorola Xoom tablet is going to be too expensive for me to purchase here in the next few weeks.  Rumor has it that it will retail for $799.  As much as I would like one, I can’t justify that price right now, especially with a dead television that is going to be replaced.

-         I am reading a lot again.  Not my comics that I used to enjoy so much, but I’m plugging away at hardcover books (especially used ones I get from the second hand market) as of late. 

-         My efforts in organizing a camping trip with friends has been dashed due to my friends inability (sorry guys if you’re reading this) to agree on a date.  In my final attempt, I threw out 3 separate dates for April/May coming up (3 months advance notice at that), and no one has responded.  I give up.

-         Saturday, March 12^th, I have a date to brew beer up in Huntington Beach.  Another mark in the ‘Win’ column for my 2011 bucket list.

-         Looks like there’s going to be some turn over in my neighborhood.  One neighbor has finally had their house reposed by the bank (I won’t miss them), but my next door neighbors just told me they are trying to sell their house via ‘short sale’ which means it’s a gamble on who it may attract.  I like my neighbors now…they are nice and quiet and even younger than us.  The potential outcome is making me a tad nervous.

Just some various odd and ends this week:

1. My progress on my diet has slowed down a bit this past week.  I knew the first week was going to be easy to drop some excess water weight and that the real challenge begins in week two, and it sure did.  It’s becoming harder and harder to slough off the extra pounds even by following the same procedures the previous week.  I actually weighed in on Saturday at my lowest yet, 228.8, and while I was in-fact surprised, I also knew I was on empty.  That morning I woke up so hungry.  The reason I weighed in on Saturday morning instead of Sunday was that my wife and I were going to her company party, and I figured I was going to cheat a bit.  I didn’t cheat bad, but I did have a few drinks of whisky on the rocks.  I also has a nice dinner, albeit the fillet Mignon was smaller than I would have liked.  The dinner also came with risotto, a salad, some bread and veggies.  I’m pretty sure I limited myself to one piece of bread.  As far as desert went it was an apple tart topped with a single scoop of vanilla ice cream.  Well, I ate the scoop of ice cream and pretty much passed on the tart after one bite.  The tart was below ‘meh’ and didn’t end up tasting like a desert at all.  The rest of the night I drank water and danced with avrious people to work up a good sweat.  On the way home I did have one single Jack-In-The-Box taco (I would have had two, but they screwed up my order and I got stiffed one taco) and a few french fries my wife had.  Anyway, the next morning I was shocked to step on the scale and see I was up to 234!!!  WTF??  My wife told me to calm down, it was probably water weight from the somewhat salty food and excess liquid I was carrying around, although the first thing I though was the whisky.  It wasn’t a lot of whisky, but I figure 5 stiff drinks throughout the night was quite a few calories, but it didn’t compute, especially after my dancing.  Sunday I was dead tired so I didn’t go to the gym, and Monday I forgot my gym clothes after work, although for dinner I had a steamed fillet of salmon and steamed veggies.  So this morning, I weigh 230.6…clearly not 234 from Sunday, but up almost 2 from Saturday.  So I’ll be hitting the bike after work today, having oatmeal for breakfast, soup for lunch, and some pure beef London broil for dinner.
2. Finances have been a little tighter than I’d like to admit, but I can’t fault my wife or myself on wasting money.  There may have been that one night we went out for sushi and spent $90, but that happens once in a blue moon.  So I’ve been packing lunches for work, eating oatmeal for breakfast, and trying our best to clean out our freezer.  It just seems like the next 11 months are going to take forever as I continue to pay off my car.  But then my wife is going to want a car in the next year or so, but no way are we getting one with the payments as high as mine.  I hate to admit, but I haven’t been turning down my parents little extra help here and there when they offer to help, although it does pain and embarrass me to some degree.
3. One thing that may help is my step-daughter is moving out on the 25th.  She’s totally not ready, but I am.  As much as it pains my wife, my step-daughter desperately needs to experience the real world to understand the value of a dollar, and more importantly hard work and respecting others.  Inherently she’s a good kid, but her sense of entitlement that everyone else can see but my wife is a bit tiresome.  And the fact she only pays us $125 in rent, while might be missed upfront, I try and tell my wife that when she moves out, our bills will decrease dramatically.  I expect our electricity and water to go down dramatically.  My wife will save a lot in gas as well as she doesn’t need to shuffle her to and from work multiple times a week.  Our grocery bill will also drop dramatically, and that’s one thing I’m looking forward to the most.  The kid eats a lot, and she eats “my” shit and never replaces it.  For example, last week I bought a ‘large’ box of Cheerios, and I only had 1 bowl, and when I went to have some this morning, I realized the box was empty.  That’s the second time that’s happened and I’m just talking cereal.  There have been plenty of times I’ve come home to see ‘my’ yogurt gone or the last soda that I pick out for myself.  Also, it will be nice to have a clean house again.  She NEVER offers to mop the floors, or vacuum, water the plants, dust, or clean up after herself in the kitchen.  So it’ll be nice to come home to a house and watch my TV when I want, go to the fridge and see that the stuff I look forward to is still there, and hopefully all my bills will be lower.
4. Camping – Trying to organize a camping trip with my friends and it like herding cats.  Deserves its own post really…so look for that.
5. Train Expo – This upcoming Saturday I’m going to the Anaheim convention center for the Great Train Expo.  I’m really looking forward to this.  I’ll be shooting some video with my Playsport, buying some tools, maybe even a structure, DVD, and quite possibly a train.  I’ll be going by myself and I’m okay with that.  I like to do something for myself once in a while, and this is a treat….finances be damned!!
6. Speaking of trains, I’ve added a new banner (see right hand margin) for the Union Pacific Steamer Excursion.  Basically you get to vote for a route (there are four different ones in different parts of the country) in which an older steam train will take and you get a chance to win and get two tickets for this historic ride across parts of America.  How fun does that sound?  See a piece of America the way it was some 60+ years ago.
7. New tech:  Looking into buying a new external hard drive, most likely a Western Digital 1 terabyte drive to back up music and pictures.  Also eagerly awaiting to see the price and release of Motorola’s new Xoom 10″ Android tablet.  I’d really like one of these, but the $600 price point may be a deal breaker.
8. Talked to a friend about doing some brisket or rib smoking in the near future.  Probably when it warms up a bit.

Well, I didn’t get to all the posts I wanted to do, but I did make some progress on some other fronts:

- First and foremost, I’ve been hitting the gym again…like I used to some ten years ago.  It’s been surprisingly good to me, the fact that I’m feeling pumped up and good after a workout, and just 10 days into the new year, I’m already seeing some results (or is that just wishful thinking on my part?).  When I bought that digital scale on January 3rd I was weighing in at approx. 236 and some change.  As of yesterday morning (1/9), I weighed in at exactly 231 pounds.  So in the course of 7 days with me hitting the gym 5 of those days and riding the bike at least 20 minutes each time in addition to lifting weights, I dropped around 5 pounds.  Now some of that may be water weight, but that’s hard to determine as I’ve also been increasing my water intake and by hitting the weights harder than usual, I wonder how much lean muscle mass I used to have started to come back.  My body is a mixture of being sore and energetic at the same time.  The last few nights I’ve been sleeping better and feel a bit more awake during the day, but I’ve noted I’m a little stiff in my joints including my lower back….but damn….this may sound highly egotistical, but the look of being pumped up and full of endorphins while standing in front of the gym mirror makes me want to try even harder.  I’ve also began eating earlier dinners and keeping my portion sizes down all the while while eating healthier as well.  A second benefit of all this is that I think my wife is secretly resenting my success and thus driving her to work out again.  This past week she attempted jogging at least once, and also rode the bike and walked the treadmill at her woerk.

The one thing I can tell you that I’m jonesing is the whisky.  Friday night I had an extreme urge to pop open one of my bottles and have a stiff drink or two of Maker’s Mark or Jim Beam, but I didn’t..  I had to put the bottles in the liquor cabinet so their labels weren’t staring at me…mocking me….seducing me….with their oakey and carmel aromatics.

Last night I kinda cheated with the food though.  I had two turkery burgers (healthy), but I has some mayo and cheese on them as well (no other sides), but finished the evening with three chocolate chip cookies.  Tonight I’ll be havings teamed veggies and salmon and maybe some fat free/sugar free Jell-O for dessert.

- I listed some items up on eBay and Amazon to sell off and make room in my spare bedroom for my train set.  I always feel good about getting rid of excess stuff in the house, especially when I can make a few dollars, but I’m excited to go to a train show on 1/22 and I plan on buying a beginners book on ‘benchwork’ possibly tonight to push me even further into getting my ass in gear.

- Yesterday my friend Al and my wife and I went to a RV lot and looked at various class-C campers and looked at even renting a RV for an upcoming camping trip I’m trying to plan for all my friends sometime this late Spring or very early Summer.  I’ll detail that more in an upcoming installement.

- I still need to post some New Years Eve photos here, and got a great article and drink recipes for a stellar Bourbon I got for Christmas (and finished New Years Eve by the way).  I have a podcast episode to edit and post soon, and taking a renewed interested in some techy gadgets as well as really looking forward to the BBQ’ing season.  I’m already thinking about smoking some ribs or another brisket in the coming months.

- My step-daughter is planning on moving out soon, which I think is a good idea and I’m not going to stand in her way.  She really needs to get out into the world and experience how tough things really are and get a dose of ‘reality’ and learn the value of money and hard work.  If she moves out, I need to get my wife to “buyin” that she is on at least a 6 month moritorium before she can come back if things get too tough.  Our house is not going to be a safe-haven or flop-house because things didn’t work out teh way she thinks they will….especially because we are trying very hard to give her advice, guide her, make her think of certain things and all we get back in return is attitude and the “I know this already, old-man” look I get.

Yours truly in the middle

The “taking it back” mantra has been with me now for a few weeks and really began to be put into practice on Jan 1st.  I realize that was only a few days back, but I figure if I try an stay positive and keep reminding myself of certain attainable goals I offered up in my previous post, I have a decent chance of completing or at least attempting a few of them.

Case in point: Buying a scale.  Now you may think buying a scale is not really that big of a deal, and by most account you’re right.  However, I’ve never been satisfied with just ‘getting by’ (unless it’s work where my motivation not to strangle somebody on a daily basis keeps me in check), so buying a typical bathroom scale is not a simple task.

I went to the gym on Monday and of course, as is the case at least half of the time I go and work out, the professional doctor’s office caliber scale they have onsite was broken.  That thing is never calibrated correctly and just by moving it an inch to the left or an inch to the right on the tile floor will generally produce different results.  I have learned over time to take an average of my readings based on that scale and came up with a Jan. 1st starting weight of about 235 lbs. That’s not erally taking into account food I may or may not have eaten for breakfast, if I’ve used the restroom, how heavy my clothes are, etc.

Well, I finally gave in and went to Bed, Bath & Beyond to buy a scale.  I wanted to avoid the older analog scales so I went directly to the various digital ones to compare.  They range in price from $29 all the way up to $99.  Some of them have various additional features as well, including memory for multiple people, measuring of water, bone density, muscle mass, and BMI (to name a few).  I settled on one that cost me around $52 that does indeed measure much of this stuff.

I can now weigh myself at home, first thing in the morning after I use the restroom and before I get dressed to get a reading.  The only crappy thing is that stupid BMI calculation.  I don’t really don’t put any stock into that very much because I believe the calculations are based on Ethiopians.  According to any BMI chart I’ve ever seen, I’ve been considered ‘morbidly obese’ since I was around 18 years old.  I’m 5’10″ and 40 years old, and according to these charts and my current weight my BMI is roughly 33.7.  Anything over 26 is considered ‘overweight’, and to reach that fine line I should be 181 pounds.  I haven’t been 181 in close to 20 years!!  What BMI doesn’t take into account are bodybuilders or those with above average muscle mass.  What I’m getting at is that BMI is a pipe-dream for me.

Now, back to the present:

I’ve starting hitting the gym again.  I’ve been riding a stationary bike for 20 minutes at a time, followed by some moderate weight lifting on at least 2 body parts.  This past winter break where I was off work for 11 days straight afforded me to hit the gym at least 7 times.  That’s probably the amount of times I go in a whole month these last few years let alone a week and a half.  Today is Wed., and after work I plan on going again to ride the bike and lift.  I haven’t gone to the gym after work in over 3 years!  I’m actually looking forward to it and hopefully I can keep this up for a while.

So what else am I doing? 

1. I’m trying to drink more water.  I usually don’t drink soda or put cream in my coffee anyway, but I’m really trying to drink more water on a daily basis.  I still drink Ice-tea and coffee and any soda I do drink is diet or zero calorie.  Cutting back on the booze will help as well (no empty calories).  I know you may not think this is a big deal, but this far I haven’t had a sip of alcohol in 4 days now.  That’s a big deal, as I usually like a stiff Manhattan or a nice craft beer after work.
2. I’m trying to eat on a more regular and earlier schedule…meaning I’m not skipping breakfast and having my dinner between the hours of 6-7pm instead of later (often between 7-8:30pm). 
3. I’m eating more fiber and fish.  The fiber is taking a little toll on me right now as I’m having a little abdominal discomfort, but the added benefit is lowering my cholesterol as well.  Fish oil tablets at night provide Omega 3′s if I don’t have regular fish (which I want to eat more of anyway….I love salmon BTW).
4. Making some minor modification along the way including: eating less (but not eliminating) carbs altogether, smaller portions, less red meat.

Now all this is a work in progress and I’m kinda winging it.  I’m avoiding Weight Watchers, Atkins, PX90 and all that other stuff.  I want to ‘enjoy’ my life, not become a slave or punish myself for over night results in which may make me give up in a few weeks like so many other people with weak will power and no results to show for it.  I don’t want to give up baby-back ribs, BBQ, and the occasional piece of dark chocolate (my personal kryptonite).  I’m not gonna be that guy that can’t enjoy a nice meal and order salad with dressing on the side while out with my friends, or avoid gourmet food trucks…..I just need to be smarter about my choices and let my stomach, not my eyes, do the ordering.

Yup, that’s pretty much how long my “non-drinking” stint lasted.  I’m so ashamed.

My buddy called me yesterday and wanted to see if I’d meet him over at Cismontane Brewery after work for a beer.  I actually said “No.”  I told him I was on a new medication (true) and really shouldn’t be going out for a drink, and in the back of my head I thought by not going and being tempted I’d even save some money I’d most likely otherwise spend.  Double-win for me.

But unbeknownst to me, my wife invited said friend over for dinner instead, so when I got home at 5:45pm last night, I was greeted with a six-pack of Smithwick’s Irish Ale (by Guinness), one of my new favorites.  Damn it!!  I tried to play it cool, not only for them, but myself as well and justified in my head that ‘one beer will be okay’.  Yeah, we all know how that goes.

By the time I was outside getting my grill on with some HUGE steaks (none of us finished them by the way…at least I’m proud of my ‘portion’ control…I could have eaten the whole thing, but glad I didn’t), beer number two was almost already finished and by meal time, I did in fact have beer number 3.  *Sigh*

I really enjoy Smithwick’s Ale.  It’s pretty light in flavor, and you know it’s going to be good if it’s backed by Guinness.

So dinner was steak with a hint of Jeff Foxworthy’s BBQ Sauce (not bad), jalepeno artisan bread (1 slice for me), smokehouse BBQ bourbon beans, and a baked potato (sans cheese).  As you can see, I opted out of the cheese for my potato, ate only 1/2 my steak, and limited myself to one piece of bread and skipped desert.  At least it was a half-hearted attempt to be good, and I was in fact satisfied, but I’m feeling guilty this morning I never made it a complete 3 days without an adult beverage.

For breakfast this morning, I diced up some of that left over steak and combined with Egg Beaters and some southwestern salsa in a grilled tortilla for my own steak & egg breakfast taco.  Pretty darn yummy with my coffee, and I’ll be having two turkey sandwiches for lunch today with some spinich leaves, organic yellow mustard and a slice of colby jack cheese.

Hopefully I’ll have some time later today for a few additional posts.

Anyway, after yesterday’s post, I went ahead and looked up some side effects for my generic cholesterol medicine, Simvastatin, and realize this is exactly what is happening to me:

• Flatuence.
• Fatigue.
• Muscle soreness.
• Weight retention and in some cases weight gain.

I also spoke with my father who is also on the same medicine and he reported that he too feels bloated, so that explains a few things.  Doesn’t that suck?  You take medicine to help out in one area and it often affects you in a different area as well.

Anyway, last night for dinner it was two baked tilapia fish fillets and a bag of steamed veggies in a mild herb sauce, and two glasses of water.  I was a tad hungry later on, so I did have about a cup of salsa and some tortilla chips, but I’ll have you know there was no cheese that was added.

That’s going to be the hard part for me….portion control.  It’s all about retraining both my mind and stomach to be satisfied with less calories, even if they are healthy calories.  This morning for breakfast I had a single english muffin with a little pumpkin spice spread to tide me over until lunch.  I plan on trying this place called Dijon Chicken for my meal this afternoon and I’ll write up a review on Yelp when I’m done.  In the meantime, I’m looking for an Android App to help with dietary recording and requirements on a daily basis.

I’m not exactly sure what has gotten into me lately, but I’ve been really self-conscious about my weight in recent weeks.  I know I’ve said this before and I keep saying I’m going to do something about it, but like Oprah Winfrey at a Hostess factory, it’s harder that is sounds.

Perhaps it’s the fact that it seems my pant waistline feel snugger than ever before, that I feel slightly winded when I walk a little fast at work, or my knees feel a little sore when walking up stairs. 

The most recent revelation that hit home for me was on Halloween when my neighbor pinched my gut through my costume to make a joke.  I know it was all in fun and he meant no harm, but for that instant I knew exactly how a girl feels when she someone comments on her weight.  I kept the conversation going, laughing and never breaking character as if nothing had fazed me, but inside it really did.  It bothered me.

Then recently my wife started posting more pictures of me on Facebook from some of the backyard bbq’s and party’s we’ve been hosting and even I was taken a bit back from my current bodily shape.  I even told her don’t post any more pictures of me unless it’s from the chest up.

Now I can’t make a lot of excuses for myself.  I’ve been known to imbibe quite a few adult beverages on the weekends, and I’m always down for one more rib, one more wingette, one more scoop of mashed potatoes.  I’m not fooling anybody there including myself.

I have been on some medication lately, mainly generic Lipitor to help combat some elevated cholesterol levels and I honestly do believe that it does indeed have an unwanted side effect: you tend to retain or gain a little weight and get bloated.  As a matter of fact, I stopped taking my Lipitor for almost a week and noted without changing anything else in my diet for that week I dropped close to four pounds.  I’m also not as ‘gassy’ as I was when I was taking my pill nightly (something I’ll have to tell the doctor when I see him in a few weeks).

I’m also 40 years old now, and maybe my metabolism has shifted or slowed down a bit.  I’m not 20 years old any more and burning both ends of the candle any longer.  I do get tired more often now, slowly turning into my parents and ready for bed by 9:30 or 10pm nowadays whereas I could usually stay up much longer.

And I don’t eat like shit everyday.  I actually eat relatively decent.  I try and eat fish, steamed veggies, low-fat or non fat dairy, and drink a lot of water.  But I do like my breads, my pastas, and my sauces….I am Italian after all.

Now granted, I don’t go to the gym as much as I used to when I was young and single.  Back in those days I was hitting the gym 4-5 times a week.  I’m sure my metabolism was ramped up a bit more than it is today.  I also worked closer to the gym and had an earlier shift and so it was easy to drive 2 miles from work and 5 minutes from my house before I came home.  These days I’m in the car about an hour a day, and when I get off work and sit in traffic on the way home, the last thing I think about is hitting the gym.  That was also before I blew my shoulder out, not once, but twice.  Having a torn my rotator cuff twice, the surgeries, and the therapy that follows will slow you down as well.

So after all that drivel, you’re probably wondering when I’m going to get to my point.

Okay the point is this: Last week I weighed myself at the gym at a portly 237 lbs for a 5’10” frame.  I currently have a 36” waist which is probably closer to 37” if I’m going to be honest.  In my heyday, I used to bench over 300lbs and I had a rock solid chest.  Today, I’m lucky if I can bench 225 comfortably (without my shoulders crying out in protest).  My chest has atrophied a bit and my stomach has expanded….although I’m still pretty strong.

No it’s not my New Years resolution, but I’m determined more now than ever to drop weight.  I’m not going to make some ridiculous goal of getting down to 190 lbs (Doctor said 180 would be ideal), but I’m genetically a big guy anyway.  I haven’t weighed under 200 since 1993.  In 2003, for my wedding I got down to 216 on a modified Atkins diet and that was down from about 226, so I’ve gained a net of close to 20 lbs since my wedding seven years ago.

I’d like to get down to 215 between now and the New Year.  I know that may be hard to do with the Holidays right around the corner, but I’m going to try.  I really want to get into my old 34” jeans again…I have a whole closet full of pants that are 34” just sitting there.

I’m also going to try and stop drinking between now and the New Year as well.  Not completely however.   I mean, again, I’m being realistic to myself and I’m not not going to have a drink on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years Eve, but I recognize that I don’t need the after work drink when I get home, and I don’t need to do the binge drinking on Friday and Saturday nights and the occasional Sunday afternoon with my neighbors and friends.  No, I need to stop that from a caloric and financial standpoint. 

So now you may be wondering, “Well, how can you have a website dedicated to cocktails and BBQ if you stop?”  I didn’t say I was going to stop…just cut back.  My BBQ will have to be about portion control.  I’ll have to do more turkey, chicken, and fish instead of beef and pork.  I’ll have to do more dry rubs than sugar based sauces.  I’ll have to have Bud Select 55 drinks instead of the multiple 150+ calorie whisky and coke’s I normally would drink.

This past Saturday I weighed in at 234lbs. and that night I had plenty to drink and eat.  I’ll consider that my last binge and need to make some baby step goals.  Today is November 15^th.  I am going to try and not have an alcohol based drink until Thanksgiving.  Including yesterday in which I had no drink, that will be 11 days.  Let’s see what I can do on mostly water and portion controlled size meals between now and then.