Cocktail Confessions

So after allowing yesterdays post to sink in for a bit, you’re probably expecting the not so subtle follow-up for what I want to accomplish in 2012.  Well, if you were looking for something stoic, earth-shattering, and mind-blowing…I’m about to dissapoint you like so many of my first dates in High School.

There is no new mantra this year.  I kind like the theme and original thoughts behind last years “Taking it back”, so I guess I’ll stick with that.  Oh yay!  I’ve already let you down and deflated your giddiness within the second paragraph, so negative 1 karma point for me.

Here’s a few things (some new, some not so much) I want to accomplish this year:

• Get back to dropping the weight.  As I stated yesterday, I had gained most,….not all (but what’s 2 lbs in the larger picture?), of my weight back and I’ve officially started yesterday a new regime to drop the excess baggage that seems to have migrated about my stomach and love handles.  Once again, a realistic goal for me is to shed about 20 lbs by mid-March.  That gives me about 11 weeks to get down to around 214.  If I can do more, awesome, if not….well, if I’m close I’ll be happy.
• Podcasts: Strange, I didn’t think many of my friends actually listened to them, but over the last few weeks I’ve had a few people ask me when I’m going to do more.  I actually still have one recorded in a raw audio format that I recorded earlier last year when my friend Brett came down to visit, but just never got around to editing and posting it.  I’m going to do it this year.  Promise.  My buddy Brian also was gracious enough to buy me a brand-spanking-new Yeti USB microphone for Christmas (pictured above) that I was just blown away with his generosity on that.  That gift in and of itself has started a new spark of desire to record some content.  And if it isn’t for my site here, then most assuredly I’d like to make some recordings for my train site: WilloughbyJunction.com (Pssttt…check it out).
• Vacation & Trips: I’d like to say that I plan on taking a few short vacations this year.  I’m hoping my buddy Brian will still drag me out to Arizona laster this year to look at some property he considering purchasing…a road trip is always fun.  If not, then I’d still like to rent a small RV with my wife and maybe head out to Oatman, AZ or someplace local (Apple Valley comes to mind) for 3-4 days and maybe take the dog with us and try our hand and camping outdoors.  I’m also very interested in attending the Central Coast Railroad Festival in October this year…maybe do some wine train excursions, etc.  The icing on the cake, however, would be to take a cruise.  We happened to watch a two hour show on the Travel Channel yesterday evening, and I so want to go.
• Plan a few more ‘eatery outings’ with my friends liek I did last year.  I like to organize those and we always have a ggod time.
• Get my CTP+ certificate for work…just to say I can still hang and study and achieve career orientated goals.
• Really publicize and make my Willoughby Junction blog a popular spot amongst model train enthusiasts.  Maybe add some podcasts to there as well.
• Get a tablet…As soon as I can find one I really like at an affordable price.  I still really liek the Amazon Kindle, but would like one a tad more robust than that.
• Learn airbrushing.  My wife bought me a beginner airbrush for my modeling but I have never used one before.
• Actually start contruction on my railroad.  I have the benchwork done, bought the foam, have the track and train, and built plenty of structures…but haven’t yet started on actually building my fantasy railroad.
• Brew more beer, make more sausage, do more BBQ’ing of meats and share it all with you.
• And finally, make an effort to share some stories here.  Either written blog entries, or audio recordings with the new Yeti mic.  I have a lot of funny stories to tell, but never seem to sit down and get them out in a ‘planned’ fashion.

So the above list is a little loose and open for interpretation.  Everything listed is feasible, but can I maintain the willpower to follow through with it.  I’m hoping I can check off more this year than I was able to last year.  I also hope to have a more positive outlook on life in general.

See you in a few.

Oy, what a week.

As I type this I have a massive headache that so far a 2 aspirin and 2 cups of coffee still haven’t cured.

Actually, this whole week has been borderline miserable, but I felt I hadn’t paid much attention to this blog as of late, but moreso because I just don’t feel all that chipper.

Starting last weekend, I got bit by a spider (I presume) on my leg that was poisonous.  It’s been already 6 days and I still have a huge black and blue welt in a perfect circle on my left leg.  It’s been itching a bit, but not too bad.  How do I know it was poisonous?  Because within hours I started to get really bad cramps and sufefred a few days of intestinal distress.  On Tuesday evening my whole body ached, especially my stomach and back and had similar symptoms of food poisoning.

We’ve also been very short handed at work.  My department is at half capacity with people taking vacations and what not so it’s been a little hectic around the office.  And that’s not good when you just don’t feel 100%.  As a matter of fact I’ve shined off the gym all week and my appetite has been a little off.

Yesterday afternoon I was suffereing from really bad cramping again and when I got home it was Tums and chewable Rolaids to the rescue, only to have me wake up this morning to a mind numbing headache.

I go camping with my friends in two weeks, and here’s hoping I make a recovery over the next few days.

My wife and I have a deal when it comes to driving.

If we are required to attend one of my sparse family functions, I drive us in my car. If we are requested to attend one of her families numerous functions we take her car.

There are a couple of reasons for this: namely the cost of fuel and my lack of patience when it comes to sitting in traffic. I drive a V6 SUV which of course gets less fuel economy than my wife’s 4-cylinder Honda. The fact that most of her family functions take place either in the Inland Empire or Long Beach almost immediately mandates we will be stuck in traffic at one point, and my ire raises when we are only traveling 20 miles per hour for extended periods of time.

In so far as that goes, I’ve learned to combat that mind numbing time by bringing a book or magazine to help fill the time. However, even at lower speeds, books and written word tend to jostle around the page and it takes me twice as long to get through a sentence.

But my biggest pet peeve when it comes to my wife driving is her management of the in-dash stereo. In the close to eight years we have now been married, there are only two scenarios that take place within the confines of her unkempt silver death-box: 1) Hearing the same crappy “high school” mix CD over and over and over again, or, 2) her changing the channel every so often that nary one song (if she can even find one half the time) plays in its entirety.

So let me break each down:

1) We have a collection between the two of us of over 200 CD’s, and we both own computers that can burn/rip our own. That being said, she virtually has a plethora of genre’s she can choose from and make a multitude of CD’s. But nope, she made a handful of CD’s about 4-5 years ago, but I think only one ever made it out to her car, and I am subjected to the same B-side songs and artists every single time. It’s almost to the point I can tell how far we have traveled with my eyes closed just by what vomit inducing song is currently playing. Oh, Nelly Furtado….we must be near the Green River Exit. U2,…we’re on the 241 to 91 transition.

2) If it’s not the CD, then you can practically diagnose my wife with situational ADHD. She will change the channel every 30 seconds as her right hand basically hovers over the seek or pre-programmed buttons while she’s driving. I don’t think we’ve ever listened to a station broadcast song from start to finish in years. If a radio edit song clocks in at 2.5 minutes, rest assured, you’re only going to hear a 45 second snippet at best, so you better hope you got luck enough to hear the part you enjoy the most.

The whole thing is maddening and has caused some colorful discussions, in which since it is ‘her’ car, I end up losing.  This last time, I thought I’d outsmart us both. I ended up loading up my personal player with an Audibook, something I can listen to and enjoy by myself and not have to deal with her constant station fumbling. At least, that was my theory.

Instead, once I plugged my earbuds into my head, my wife must have taken this as a green light signal to now turn up the car stereo to the proverbial ‘11’ on the volume dial. Are you shitting me? Is this the “I’m still going to piss him off” mode and pretend I don’t know what’s going on? I couldn’t compete. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on hearing and digesting one thing, when someone else now has to up the ante by intentionally blasting their repetitive crap at volume levels you weren’t even sure the little Honda could muster?

But even in my incredulous stewing and my eyes closed in despair once again, I knew we close to Antonio Parkway and thus close to home. Why? Because Stevie B was playing again.

2010 wasn’t the best year I’ve had. 

I look back at a year of complacency, a few minor health and personal issues, an un-motivating career, some financial struggles, some marital gaffs between my wife and I and my step-daughter and I’m glad to say the year is over.  That doesn’t mean all the issues are over, but at least there is an imaginary line drawn in the sand on January 1st to wipe the slate clean if you will and try again, harder.

In the past, I wasn’t one for New Year’s resolutions.  Hell, I think if we are truthful to ourselves, we can admit that 80%, perhaps even more of our resolutions are broken within the first few weeks.  Past resolutions may have had some sort of meaning back when I was a  teenager, maybe some even during my early twenties.  That’s when I was ideal, young, and believed that the whole world was waiting for me to make a move. 

How naive I was.

Somewhere during my late twenties I began to become suspicious of all the hype, and became more and more cynical through my thirties.  I never got my dream job, never had my own kid, lost members of my family, and was beset by some injuries and health.  I blew out my rotator cuff…..twice.  I developed chronic urticaria based upon extreme stress which I battled for a few years (and knock on wood, haven’t had a relapse in just over two years now).  This last year the doctor warmed me against readings of high cholesterol, and to top it all off, my perfect 20/15 vision of 40 years soon found me wearing reading glasses as things are becoming more blurry before my eyes.  Lastly, the medicine I’ve been taking to combat my cholesterol (which is a genetic disposition in my family by the way) makes me extremely tired and sometimes short term memory issues.  I know that sounds weird, but it’s true.  It’s a missing feeling sometimes within my head.  I begin to speak to someone and I struggle for the words, although my gut instinct tells me I should know it.  I’ve actually caught myself experiencing this a few times now….noticeable enough that it can become frustrating.

We also didn’t go on vacation this year.  The stove needed to be replaced.  As did the garage door.  And the economy was tough and we found ourselves like many other Americans….with our heads just above the water line.  Thank goodness I think….and pray….we can’t go any lower.  Oh, there’s always the possibility of losing a job, or yet another appliance disaster that could once again stall our personal recovery, but it’s not all bad.  I just have to remind myself to be thankful for what I do have everyday as all I have to do is turn on the news and see the wore plight of so many others.  Yeah, I may be a little depressed at times, but it could be much worse….and for many people it actually is.

But I did have some positive things to help me through the year.  Old friendships re-ignited through Facebook, or through other social events have proved to me once again how lucky I am to have such good friends.  A person is lucky if they can maintain  one or two good friendships throughout their lives.  I happen to have quite a handful actually, dating all the way back to my friends Steve and Brian from my early grammar school days.  This past year I’ve reconnected with more and more of my childhood friends, and even those in college.  We ocassionally have block parties on my street and I am so stoked to report here that a few of my old chums drop by and we have a whole new set of pictures and memories to share with each over at 40 as we did when we were 10.

Sure, some of my friends may be better off than me, and one might be tempted to be envious or jealous.  I’ll admit, those strings do pull occasionally, but they are always trumped by the fact that we don’t judge each other and none of them try to out brag or out-do each other like those wenches on all those Bravo “Housewives of…..” series.  I also have good neighbors.  We do a lot together, and we’re all in the same boat more or less, so perhaps that makes us relate better to one another.

So anyway, a few weeks ago with 2011 rapidly approaching, I really began to look at the New Year more seriously than I had in years.  I want to set new goals….but realistic ones.  Ones that are actually achievable and not so outlandish that I’m doomed to fail from the get go.  I want to do more, travel more, entertain more, and try to improve my health, attitude, and outlook.  A positive outlook can help improve the way you rub off on other people.  Call it an aura, or karma, or whatever the hell New Age crap you want to term it as, but in order to feel better, I need to start ‘behaving’ better in various aspects.  If that means volunteering more, taking more chances, exercising more, eating better, rolling with the punches…so be it.

Anyway, I don’t know exactly what to call this, but let’s just call it a bucket list for 2011.

• I want to drop 15-20 lbs and keep it off, preferably by my birthday in mid-March.  Not exactly sure of my game-plan just yet, but eating smarter, drinking smarter, and exercising more this year seem obvious.
• I want to lay the ground work, or should I say ‘bench-work’ for my N-scale model train in my spare bedroom.  It’s a hobby I stared about a year ago but hasn’t really progressed into anything other than a few collected train pieces, some structures I’ve built, and an oval track on a folding card table.  This year, I want to build at least a 4′ x 8′ plywood bench and a track plan.
• I want to try and get back to recording and publishing some podcasts on a semi-regular basis.  Maybe 6 to 8 this year?  Seems realistic.
• I want to take either a camping trip with my friends or a train excursion for a few days.
• I want to have one high-school reunion BBQ in my backyard this summer.
• I’d like to volunteer for a local animal shelter.  This will be harder than it actually seems for me….I get attached to animals very easily and it may prove to be too emotional for me, butI realize there is a need to do this because abandoned pets are often overlooked and don’t have a voice for themselves due to shitty former owners.
• I want to post on a fairly regular basis here, including more recipes, adventures, and humor.
• I’d like to have a more positive outlook at work.  I need to make it at least 12 more months (due to financial obligations), and preferably 18 before I begin to look for a job that will make me happy for once.  I’ve been pretty sour on my career for at least five years now.

Anyway, that’s a decent start I figure.  It’ll be interesting to look back 12 months from now and see how many of these I’ve actually checked off, or at least attempted.

It has been a very productive week for me, although I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to.  My plans were a little bit ambitious now that I look back at them, or perhaps it’s the fact that I am coming to terms that I am getting older and I just don’t have the energy that I used to.

With my wife and daughter out of town this week, I knew I wanted to purge my house of unwanted and unwarranted collectibles that we tend to stash away and forget.  I wanted to make myself an amazing grilled rack of lamb dinner with risotto and stuffed portabella mushrooms.  I wanted to record another podcast, hit the gym, take myself to a movie, straighten up the office, play a few video games, and finally make an account change at the bank.

I didn’t get to do those things.  I was either too tired, too sore, or thought I can push it off just one more day.

But all was not a complete loss.  I did make some progress in projects and other things about the house.  Most of the following stuff took place on Wed. Among them:

• I did steam clean the downstairs carpet.
• Watered plants in the backyard.
• I did vacuum and also mop the downstairs kitchen.
• I loaded, ran, and unloaded the dishwasher.
• I changed out all the burnt out light bulbs in the house.
• I power washed the outside front of our house to comply with an HOA letter regarding some dirty water run off from the rain.
• I was able to do a few loads of laundry.
• I did take my dog Frankie for a long walk, buy him new food, and organize many of his toys to a new storage bin.  I also picked up his dookies in the backyward.
• I was able to work on one of my train models, although I had intended to make more progress than I actually did.
• I did manage to reorganize the upstairs closet, a few drawers in the kitchen, and the coat closet downstairs.  This afforded me to fill our recyclable 55 gallon trash can about 75%.

That last point was liberating.  It feels go to purge and throw out old magazines, various collected take out menus, numerous odds and ends that I have no idea what their use was originally intended for.  I wish I could have gotten rid of more crap, and perhaps I will this weekend.  I have intentions of cleaning out the spare bedroom closest and even culling my 15+ year wardrobe by at least 10%.  Throw in a few more random drawers, and see how many more books and old DVD’s I can put up on Amazon.com to sell.  I actually already sold one DVD for $10 the same day I put it up.  It’s a love/hate chore that seems like a necessity.  It’s a lot of work, it is dirty work, and it’s not very fun.  However, seeing the waste management company take it all away, never to see any of that stuff my return to my house again seems to lift an invisible weight from my shoulders.  It’s like I’m reclaiming a few square feet in my place.  I feel slightly more organized, lighter, more efficient, and not so pack-rat-ish.

The strangest aspect of all this cleaning is my introspective and solo thoughts of what am I going to do with all this stuff one day?  There will be a day where my life will be winding down, and I will contemplate on moving to a smaller house.  I will wonder how to begin the process of giving my stuff away to neighbors and charities because I cannot take it with me in death.  Will I sell some of it to pay for medication?  Will I make a child or collector happy with old toys of mine?  Do I burden my remaining family on cleaning up after me and figuring out what to do with all this stuff after I’m gone?  My grandfather is going through this phase now.  At 90 some years old, he constantly giving things away, and he no longer wants tangible gifts for birthdays and holidays.  He now wants gift certificates to the grocery store, or local restaurants.  He doesn’t want any more things.  He doesn’t want to dust them, move the, learn how to use them.  Someday, I will face the same thing.

Evenings saw me make spaghetti once, and salmon burgers twice.  I hit the bottle of Jack Daniels a few times, and had my share of ice cream.  I can tell you that I’m wiped out.  Thursday morning my whole body was sore, and it took multiple cups of coffee for me to fake coherency.  Thursday night seen me in bed by 9:30, struggling to keep my eyes open.

My wife and daughter come back home tonight.  I plan on perhaps sitting on the porch with my neighbors sharing a beer, perhaps grilling a bit of dinner, maybe catching a movie on Netflix, and hitting my bed at a reasonable hour.  Tomorrow will be another day and I’m already contemplating on what gets pitched next.

I’m a week behind on the Big Brother update, and I just can’t seem to get motivated to recap week 4, so I think I may do a combined recap of week 4 & 5 this week instead.

I was gonna do try an experiment of a BBQ podcast along with a BB recap of week 4, but that may seem confusing to you guys or other listeners, so I think I may do a separate BBQ podcast altogether.

So why am I on a pseudo-hiatus this week? I’m in a week long training course for Network+ certification and all around super busy, but I’ll catch up soon enough.