Cocktail Confessions

*Welcome to middle age

Well it’s official and there’s no denying it now.  Despite the slight premature graying of my hair I could once seemingly pass off as George Clooney-’esque’ in nature, I am clearly now entering middle age.

It all started a few months back when I noticed that my eyes were getting a tad more tired than usual.  At first I thought I just needed a little extra sleep, or perhaps a day or two not staring at a computer screen or bright lights.  Maybe cut back a little on the weekend beer tasting.  As I stated in my last entry on this subject, up unto this point, my eyesight has been relatively great.  20/15 as far as my general practitioner is concerned.

But after a few weeks of taking a little extra care, my comfort level wasn’t improving any.  My eyesight feel just fine for anything over 3 feet.  I still can see very far away with pretty good accuracy.  It was the closeups that were starting to bother me.  I noted it take me a little extra effort to focus on the stuff right on front of my face, i.e. magazines, books, models. 

I had my first real eye exam in five years just over a week ago, and as the optometrist stated “Well, welcome to 40.”  I guess she wasn’t overly concerned and treated this with the same attitude as all the other schmucks around my age go.  Well, I’m glad she’s non-chalant about it, but it really doesn’t make me feel much better.  It’s just additional confirmation that this organic organism that I am currently inhabiting is slowly breaking down and there’s not much I can do as far as warranties go.  Oh, I suppose I could, through proper habits, help extend the warranty, but I can’t turn back the clock.

After a battery of tests and starting through differing lens and devices and having my eyeball mapped, it was determined I am in the need for reading glasses.  I’ll admit that when she said she was going to give me a glaucoma test, I was picturing myself smoking my very first joint (something I have never done BTW), and hanging out in my backyard listening to an irie Bob Marley and eating Cheetos by the bag full with a silly grin on my face. 

The doctor even offered to have me get contacts, but I shied away from that as it just seems like a huge hassle with never ending expenses and time involved.  Most of the time I can’t even remember where I place my keys or wallet, let alone the idea of searching for contacts.  So I just opted for the regular glasses, and even with insurance, basic frames and lenses cost me $169.

Thankfully I was able to pick out some fashionable frames.  They are made by Nike and are ‘flexible’, meaning I can sit on them (by accident of course) and not worry about snapping or breaking them.

I’m still getting used to wearing them.  They are pretty good when reading a book now, as long as I hold the pages three feet away.  Any further out, they start to get blurry again and anything distant the glasses really suck and get in my way.  No, they are clearly for reading.

The picture above is me, entering middle age, sitting at my desk at work….Note that all fun and spirit have been sucked dry from the company.

Quick hits:

Okay, I know it seems like a heavy BB week and not enough BBQ’ing, cocktails, stories, and other stuff here on the blog, but this weekend appears as if it is going to be very hot and long (we’re expecting temperatures to be at least 100 if not more). I’m hoping to build my new smoker, work on a model, and do some video and/or podcast editing and have some beers with the neighbor for his 46th birthday.

Anyway, on to Big Brother:

We open the show with the obligatory recap which I tend to hate as they always seem to go on much longer than they should. I know why CBS does this, but it feels like they often do a double recap, once just before the opening credits, and then another brief one just afterwards.

Once the Veto ceremony ends, Annie, the replacement nominee for Brandon produces a little drama by voicing her anger and frustration on being the newest nominee. She snaps at a few fellow housemates, even Brendon, which seems to hurt his feelings. So much so in fact he appears to be on the verge of tears and this greatly troubles his showmance partner Rachel. In a moment in one of the rooms, while discussing matters, Rachel is visibly taken aback at Brendon’s display of feelings for Annie being nominated. She thinks that Brendon should be more concerned about her than Annie. Brendon on the other hand thinks Rachel is insensitive to his feelings and thinks she is making this all out to be about her.

Annie, with very little time until eviction tries a few different times to make a very compelling argument as to why she should stay and Rachel should be voted out. She actually convinced me and the way she lays it out makes a lot of sense. It appears that Annie does indeed plant the seeds of doubt in the other housemate’s heads so we’ll just have to wait and see how it plays out. It appears that Andrew and Kathy are actually thinking that it would be wiser to get rid of Rachel due to her obvious alliance with Brendon.

Meanwhile, us, the viewing audience, are informed that Annie is indeed the saboteur. She was among my short list as I initially thought it was a girl, but I kept bouncing back between a few other candidates as well. I’m still a bit skeeved that it was revealed this earlier, but since Annie is up for elimination I suppose CBS felt it’s hand forced. In the end it seems to be that this whole ‘saboteur’ angle backfired for CBS (no surprise there as it seems other things they’ve tried in past seasons have gotten revealed way before they intended for them to be). They made such a big deal out of it early on, and in one weeks time the person was up for elimination. I’m sure they wanted to get some additional mileage out of it, but…oh well. The pranks were kind of stupid in my opinion as well and really did not do much to shake the house to it’s core.

Once again Ragan, Kristen, Kathy, and Monet fly under the radar for the whole episode.

The live eviction took place and Annie made one heck of a last ditch argument, really throwing Brendon under the bus for his failures in disclosing everything about him, his alliances, etc. While looking somewhat desperate, it made a whole hell of a lot of sense, and had me convinced that Rachel should in fact go. But in a surprise even to me, the houseguests unanimously voted Annie out (not sure that was the smartest thing). There was no love lost on Britney’s farewell message to Annie, and Ragan admitted he might believe that Annie was in fact the saboteur and that’s why he voted for her. Hayden also flat out said that his vote was because Annie caused drama and was a bit too negative.

Annie leaves the house and speaks with Julie Chen. Says she proud of how she played, but thinks she played too hard and too good and that’s why she’s out. I beg to differ. Rachel’s farewell message was also dramatic accusing Annie of trying to woo Brendon. Annie also says that Brendon hit on her first and when she rejected him, made his way over to Rachel calling her ‘sloppy seconds’…Oh, snap!

HoH competition is next and to “The Brigade’s” chagrin, Rachel eeks out a victory in the end and is the new HoH. She is ecstatic and is seen hugging Brendon. The Brigade is probably shitting Twinkie’s at this point.

Finally, the show has picked up a little more steam this episode, but it really had to by the sheer fact that a veto competition was at stake.

It’s still a little hard for me to craft a concise episode recap, so until the pack thins out a bit, I’ll just give a brief synopsis on what stood out for me.

It seems Brendon and Rachel are taking their showmance to the next level by some heavy flirting which leads to a make out session under a blanket, on the hammock in the backyard.  The other houseguests watch the spectacle from the kitchen as if they were all in High School.  Brendon asks if they can go out on a date after the show and she says yes.  Hayden points out in the diary room that this paints even a bigger target on their backs as it proves they are in an alliance.

Speaking of alliances, Britney hints that Allie is spending a bit too much time with Brendon and Rachel and thus plants the seed to ‘The Brigade’ that Allie must also be in an alliance with Brendon and Rachel.  When Allie eventually finds out that Allie is dropping this ‘hint’, whatever semblance of a friendship they did have is now out the window and both Allie and Britney are now rivals.

Kristen, Ragan, Monet, Kathy basically have zero screen time this episode and are largely forgettable for the most part.

Saboteur comes in at one point and proclaims that two of the houseguests are life-long friends.  Of course this starts another round of wild speculation with everyone looking at everyone else and drawing to draw connections.  The only plausible one that I might be able to agree with is that *perhaps* Kathy and Britney may actually be mother and daughter!  There are a couple of times when the camera pans to them sitting on the couch, so I paused the DVR and my wife and I began to study their faces intently for a resemblance.  All I can say is this is very ‘plausible’.  They are both from the south (AR), blonde, have similar features, and I believe Kathy said she had a child when she was 18.  Well, Britney is 22 now and Kathy is 40.  The math works.

Andrew makes for a very odd moment after the saboteur clip plays, boldly proclaiming he can’t be the ‘saboteur’ due to the fact no one knows about his belief in Judaism.  He also makes yet another comment about kosher food in the house.  Andrew to me is a wild card at this stage in the game, not making any alliances with anyone, seems a bit on the outside, but does these strange things that bring him into the spotlight for few minutes or two when there really isn’t a need too based on his explanation of his strategy.

Meanwhile, ‘The Brigade’ runs through various scenarios on possible outcomes of the Veto competition.  They all want to see Brendon leave, but can’t seem to agree who is the best replacement nominee if either Rachel or Brendon win and take themselves off.  The names of Kathy and Allie bounced back and forth, but leans towards Allie as they think she may be in an alliance with the two nominees.

The Veto competition takes place, and ‘The Brigades’ worst case scenario comes true: Brendon wins by a landslide and takes himself off the block.  Hayden then places Allie up as the replacement, which she expects.  Allie vows to fight (they all do) to stay and blames Britney for her situation.  Brendon also vows to go after Hayden now.  Rachel feels a bit safer, but not by much. 

Finally, host Julie Chen announces that the saboteur will be revealed to the viewers next week.  Still a bummer to me as I like trying to guess this out, but it appears that he/she survived week 1 as eviction takes place tonight.

I watched the second episode as it aired on the west coast and here are my thoughts, as jumbled and unreliable as a Lindsey Lohan court appearance are:

Speculation on this years twist, the saboteur, was on the tip of all the houseguest’s tongues.  The saboteur, (whose sole job is to screw with the rest of the players in a covert fashion) only has to survive through week five.  If that person makes it through by not getting voted out wins themselves a cool $10k.  Wild theories began to fly from various players, and while some ‘plausible’ points were brought up, not many of them are standing out as holding a lot of water.  Although the viewers have only seen two events up to this point, (and they were pretty tame) there really isn’t much to go on.  I can say this, whoever the saboteur is, either CBS is doing a fine job of editing thus far, or that person really is a good actor.

Some of the players are seen speculating in a room powwow that it is one of the girls, where as a few of the guys who started their own alliance called ‘The Brigade’ are eyeing Andrew, the tall, athletic swim coach who strangely decided to brush his teeth in the dark during the first event.

Personally, I don’t have enough information to form my opinion based in any fact, but it is fun to speculate.  I hope that CBS doesn’t reveal the saboteur prematurely because it is fun to try and guess this out as well as reading all the other BB forums and tweets doing the same.

So in my own un-scientific way, here are my top picks for the saboteur, (thus far) and why:  A) Annie – just seems a bit mousy and ‘too’ innocent right now as if she is purposely trying to fly under the radar and suspiciously quiet when all the others are taking about it.  B) Ragan – basically the same reasons as Annie.  C) Matt – this real life Mensa member is smart and seems a bit eager to point out other theories and seems to deflect speculation naturally, before people even begin to look at him.  D) Kathy – for a cop, I can’t help but wonder if she’s throwing challenges.  She just seems weaker than she should be and her reaction to things seems a tad ‘off’. E) Brendon – What the hell was he doing lying on the floor near the door, behind the couch when the lights went off?

But like I said, right now my guess is as good as anyone else’s.

Now onto the guests themselves and other events:

• Andrew – I don’t have much to say about him yet, but his ‘kosher’ kick is already beginning to wear on me and we’re only on episode two.
• Annie – The bisexual who proclaims to have a girlfriend to Ragan, and then cries about it.  Why are you crying and why do we care?  She seems so quiet right now that I expect her to have a ‘dramatic event’ later on if she makes it that far.
• Brendon – Talks science to Rachel, and perhaps the first signs of a budding showmance and alliance with her early on.  The ‘Brigade’ alliance (more on this later) sit up and take notice, especially Hayden.  Hayden thinks it’s a good idea to squash this possible alliance between Brendon and Rachel before it really even starts.
• Britney – cute as a button, and seems like she could also have a ‘dramatic event’ somewhere down the line.  She’s already having an issue with Kathy and biting her tongue early on.  I think that’s a good strategy…not to ‘wig out’ early on, but the seeds of discomfort are starting to stew and I can see her blowing up at Kathy later on.  Her face was ‘X-ed’ out on the video wall along with Kathy by the saboteur as a possible suggestion on who the first two nominees for eviction should be and she was a bit confounded by this.
• Enzo – Sorry, but as an Italian myself, Enzo is the type of meat head that gives our stereotypes a place on Jersey Shore.  He thinks he’s running the show so far, but its way to premature for him to be thinking that.  Came up with the ‘Brigade’ alliance (Hayden, Enzo, Lane, Matt) and came us with STUPID nick-names for each of them. 
• Hayden – Won the first HoH and put up Brendon and Rachel as his first nominees.  Appears to be slightly smarter than he looks, and according to Twitter land, he’s the dreamboat for most of the women viewers out there.  Really?  The guy with a mop on his head?  The guy who seemingly has an IQ of a tree branch?  That’s what women are going for these days?  Ugh…we have no hope as a society.
• Kathy – The 40yo cop who I’d be pretty embarrassed to have on my force.  Would be criminals….go to her area and go on your crime spree as you’ll have virtually no chance of getting caught if she’s in pursuit.  Shockingly un-athletic for her size, and seems like a world class whiner thus far.  Absolutely wortheless in the Have/Have-not challenge.
• Kristen – Nothing to note this episode.  Totally under the radar right now.
• Lane – Big guy, athletic, part of the Brigade by default.  Seems like a follower and not a leader. 
• Matt – Mensa member and while appearing to fly under the radar, I think is secretly slightly manipulative towards others to deflect perceptions.
• Monet – Diva.  Under the radar in this episode like Kristen.  Only shining moment was her strategy in the carmel Have/Have-not challenge.
• Rachel – Flirting with Brendon, and when learns of her nomination for eviction vows to get both herself off and also to save Brendon in the process.
• Ragan – As predicted, already throwing out the homosexual innuendos as if no one notices he’s gay already.  I find this really weird that no ones seems to care he is gay in the house, yet he makes it a point to remind them he is, as if they could forget or are too stupid to notice.  Closet narcissist.

 So, not much really happened here again, at least not too noteworthy.  We see the formation of Enzo’s Brigade, a budding showmance, Annie crying to Ragan about her ‘secret’, the stinky (and bug laden) Have-not room, and wild saboteur theories.

Big Brother 12

So Big Brother season 12 started last night on CBS.  I don’t know why I always get so giddy about this show.  The idea of being the proverbial fly on the wall and watching silently 12 other people living in a sequestered house from the outside world for the next few months fascinates me.

Of course, there are always different personalities, but you can usually always count on one over-dramatic female, one stereo-typical gay person, one meat-head, one brainiac, and one social outcast.  The formula in how they pick cast members always seems straight forward, and as the saying goes “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”, and in this, CBS pretty much did the same as they had done in the past. 

However, there are a few differences to note this time around: 1) There really aren’t any contestants over the age of 40.  In the past, you could usually count on one or two middle aged or older players, but this season they are all in their 20’s and 30’s.  The oldest one is the 40 year old female cop.  2) As someone pointed out on a Twitter feed I was reading, this is probably the “whitest cast” yet.  I didn’t really notice that myself until I read that, and I have to agree.  The cast is indeed predominately “white-bread”, with one gal that seems to be half black (if that).  3) This has to be the best looking cast yet.  Seriously, it seems as if CBS execs and producers really went out of their way to choose people that were very pleasing on the eye and to the camera.  So much so in fact, I wonder if it is a way to boost rating here after they realized the smash phenomena Jersey Shore is with all these young, hard bodies.  The girls are all extremely attractive in one way or another, and the guys all seem like they may have come out of Surfer or GQ magazine.

Too bad the season premiere was only an hour long.  There was nothing else on television except some stupid press conference regarding LeBron James going to Miami, (and what a Disneyland press conference that was) there was just nothing else on.   An hour just wasn’t enough to get a good feeling for the house guests.  It was barely even a tease.  I suspect there will indeed be some showmance hookups, drama, and alliances, but there just wasn’t enough time devoted to the players for the audience to even warm up to any of them.

Not sure what I think about the saboteur aspect this time around.  Could be fun, but I wish CBS wouldn’t reveal the player so soon, (they said next week).  I think it makes it fun for the audience at home to make their own guesses and be just as surprised, sorta like a mystery for us to solve at home and has a lot of potential to keep us hooked.  However, by revealing the ‘saboteur’ to the viewers after week one, takes some of the tense drama out of the game.  Anyway, I’ll be posting more about the strategies and individual players as the show marches on.

We finished the night by watching Zombieland, a psuedo-campy comedy horror fil with Woody Harilson.  It was ‘okay’ leaning towards ‘good’, but at 88 minutes in length, and the subject material, what do you expect?

Eye Exam

Later today, I have an eye exam.  I’ve always been very blessed with excellent eyesight.  I’ve never had to wear glasses before and at my last general exam, (just over a year ago) I was told my vision was 20/15, meaning at 20 feet, I can see what most people have to move up to 15 feet in order to see.  I also have blue eyes which do make them more sensitive to light than those with brown eyes, and I do tend to get headaches more easily in direct sunlight if I’m not wearing some sort of polarizing or quality sunglasses.

However, the last few months I’ve noticed that my eyes over all just seem to tire more easily than before.  It may be a couple of different things: my age for one (as I did just broach 40), the fact that I stare at flat panel computer screens for the majority of any given day, and finally the fact that I build very small train models (I often wear magnifying diopters along with tweezers when building them).

Needless to say, by the time evening rolls around my eyes just feel a little sore.  They still work just fine, but I am noticing (or maybe its all in my head) that it’s taking a few seconds longer to focus.  Everything is still sharp, but it seems my eyes are slower to respond now at various depths.  When reading small print, I’ve caught myself moving the paper away a few extra inches just so my eyes can relax and adjust, not because they can’t focus.

Maybe it’s time for reading glasses now.  I’m not exactly sure what’s gonna happen, but  they will most likely dilate my eyes where I’ll be wearing glasses until 9pm and I’ll have to look through that funky lens device.  That’s 2 hours from now, and I already feel like it’s a chore and my eyes are tired.  It’s hell getting old.

It’s been a bit of a stretch since I last rattled off a humorous little true tale.  At least I can say tthat after a few days, this story has indeed become more humorous to me as opposed to my initial disappointment and frustration when it took place a few evening ago.

First, let me give you all a little of the setup, or background.  I have an 18 year old step daughter, whom by all accounts is a very creative individual.  However, that being said, doesn’t always translate into practical street smarts or the comprehension of the obvious.  Often, my wife and and I find ourselves having to explain things to the “n-th” degree.  At times, it really can turn into an exercise in patience and I often ponder if this is a continual test from the creator to that is supposed to teach me a valuable lesson (which I find myself constantly failing BTW), or that He, in all His glory and wisdom has a gets bored on occasion and likes to amuse Himself by playing various Prank’d jokes on us all to see how we will react.

My step-daughter also only works part time.  And when I say part time, I literally mean about 16 hours a week.  She is currently not enrolled in traditional school (she’s attempting to get her GED or diploma equivlency through some ridiculous CA government run program that screams retail all over it).  All you, as the reader, need to know is this translates to my wife and I both working full time anywhere between 45-50 hours each a week, and allows my step-daughter to watch Sponge Bob or Comedy Central marathons at the equivalent of 8 hours day.  Something that will change shortly, by the way.

It would occasionally be nice to come home to maybe …., oh, say…. a prepared meal for the family seeing that we work all day long.  Is that too much to ask?  Is it out of line to think the that the house could be vacuumed, the kitchen floor mopped, or the plants watered occasionally,…..say between commercials, or is that oh soooo busy day of sitting on the couch pondering about getting a drivers license taking up too much valuable time?  Apparently so.

More times that I’d like to admit, either my wife or myself are the ones that come home from a long day at work, only to find ourselves doing the cleaning and making dinner.  Hardly seems fair, but also we need it done correctly and not half-assed, or as my a friend put it the other day, ‘quarter-assed’.

So the other night it was approaching 7pm and I had yet to start dinner (after a ten hour day) and my wife was bowling as she does once a week on a league.  My daughter came to me and inquired about dinner. Ugh, are you kidding me??  Again, and I know this may come off as sounding rude, mean, or not very understanding, but the fact that she was waiting for me yet once again to provide her sustenance after she sat home and did nothing all day long really irked me.  I think she got the initial gist of my facial contortion as she quickly recovered and offered up, ”Would you like me to make dinner for us?”

My jaw just about dropped.  Not only did she offer to make dinner, but she also included me into the mix and not as an afterthought or non-thought as is the usual case.  I said, “That would be nice.  There is some prepackaged fish in the freezer.  Just preheat the oven and pop them in.  I’m going to take a shower and be down in a bit.”, and I watched her scamper back downstairs and heard both the freezer open and oven start.  I thought everything was okay at this point. 

I should also know better by now.

After my shower, I began to traipse downstairs only to smell something slightly burning.  She was sitting on the couch, laptop in hand, exchanging glances between the TV screen and the computer she was inevitably harvesting crops in FarmVille.

I walked into the kitchen and opened the oven.

There were our fish fillets, on a cookie sheet, uncovered or protected, with their toppings having melted and slid off the fish and began to burn and bubble in a pool inside the oven.  I quickly pulled the cookie sheet out to avoid further burning and grabbed the box in which the fillets came.

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees,
2. PLACE FISH IN OVEN SAFE DISH
3. COVER
4. Bake for 22-25 minutes, or until fish is opaque in color

That’s it folks.  Four points of instruction in our native tongue of English.

Somehow, someway, and don’t even ask me to explain because I can’t and I’m just as left in the dark as you are, my daughter skipped over steps 2 & 3.  She got the oven to 425, and set the timer for 25 minutes, yet somehow was able to miss the part where you place the fish in an oven safe dish and then to cover them.  These instructions, I imagine, were there for the sole purpose to purposely avoid the topping spill over and burning.  When I asked her about this, the blank stare of a deer in head-lights spoke volumes.

I was just barely able to salvage the fillets with only half the toppings.  I then looked about the rest of the kitchen to see what else was being prepared.  Usually with a fish fillet dinner or when someone offers to cook you a dinner, one might expect to see a salad and/or a side dish as well.  A piece of bread may be a topper on a meal such as this.  Sadly, and not really to my surprise, there was nothing else on the menu this evening.  Nope, just over-cooked, dried-out fish on a cookie sheet.

The more I thought about it it that evening the angrier I was getting, but then I had an epiphany the following day.  Maybe my daughter is actually a genius!  Maybe by intentionally screwing up this meal, this is her way of saying “Look old man, maybe you need to cook dinner all the time.  I can’t possibly be bothered by reading instructions and therefor you will be more inclined to start dinner when you get home from work and how dare you interrupt my Facebook time.”  If that is indeed the case, then she is actually brilliant and a well played scheme on her end.

Hmmmm….

Many congratulations to my wife, who just celebrated her ten year milestone at her place of employment.  I actually believe she’s been there a bit longer as she started off as a temporary employee before the company officially hired her as a full time employee.

The last few years have been a mental struggle for her, as I imagine it would be for anyone after ten years.  It’s hard to be continually challenged and motivated after so many years, especially when there are a lot of changes to the corporate structure every few months or so.  At times it can be very stressful for her as she will come home and tell me about some new bombshell that drops unexpectedly and a whole new management team is coming in.  It’s actually happened quite a few times with more and more frequency the last couple of years where they have had at least four different CEO’s within that time frame.  As you imagine, with each regime change, there is always new people coming in, old people leaving (not necessarily by choice), and shake-ups as to who is now reporting to who.

With all that being said, however, she has a decent job.  She works less than ten minutes from our house, every day is casual day, and her hours are somewhat flexible.  For as much heartache as it gives her, it could be a lot worse.

Needless to say, for her ten years of effort the parent company gave her an eight page catalog in which she can select a gift.  She brought the catalog home last night to show me and I honestly have to say, what a fricken’ joke.  I don’t know who at that company is in charge of employee relations or morale, but I cannot help but imagine some old little bitty who knits tea cozies is at the head of this thing.  All the gifts are so cheap looking, tacky, useless, or just plain outdated.

I had to laugh at the artwork section.  After ten years of service, who in the hell in their right mind is going to choose a piece of artwork by some unknown artist that you can easily pick up at a swap meet and look right at home in a dental office?  I mean really…a picture of a lion? An eagle soaring?  A barn in the middle of nowhere USA? Pathetic.

How about the ladies pastel pink checkered golf bag from 1970?  The brushed nickel analog clock paper weight?  How about the sterling silver ring some inlaid polished rock you’ve never heard of?  If those don’t catch your fancy, how about the glass bowl party snack holder?  The fluted vase?  The leather luggage tags?  Are you kidding me?  Ten years of service and you can have leather luggage tags.

Absolutely embarrassing and sad.  It’s not even my award and I feel insulted for her.  Why not just give her a healthy bonus check?  They think that picking some stupid flea market ‘Big Lots’ clearance reject is some lofty gesture on their part to show gratitude and appreciation for all those years of dedication.  I know, how about give her an extra week of vacation, or why not the catalog that the CEO gets to pick from.  Do you think for a minute that the CEO (if one ever lasts that long) is going to choose the simulated mahogany 5×7” picture frame?  He’d throw the catalog back across the desk, take his family out for a 5-star meal and charge it back as a business expense and laugh the whole way home.  I know I would.

My wife decided to look up many of these gifts to see their value on the Internet.  As you would expect, the majority fell along the lines of $59-$79 dollars, with the majority landing on the lower end of that spectrum.

With that being said there was one item in the catalog that may actually have some value to our family, and not necessarily for her, but more for me.  My wife was gracious enough to extend her gift to me instead and made the suggestion that we pick this particular item: a charcoal smoker.  Despite the fact that at Lowe’s it actually does retail for $59 (probably cheaper during July 4^th weekend or end of summer sale), my wife is sacrificing her earned gift to me which is a very generous and appreciated gesture.  So, I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to her and let her know I love her.

Now, once we get it, perhaps in her honor we can do a really nice smoked brisket and invite some of her close coworkers to our house later this summer for a celebratory BBQ.  It’ll give me a great excuse to try a new recipe and buy some nice apple or hickory wood and a stove-pipe charcoal starter with real ‘wood’ briquettes.  I’ll do a review of it once we try it out down the line.

This is more or less a quick entry on the state of affairs over here at my blog.

I’ve got a few things lined up in the coming days and weeks including some additional video’s and a podcast I just recorded with my buddy Brett who visited from Idaho this past week.  I’ll have some new recipes up soon, including Cuban burgers (that were a hit at this Friday’s last BBQ), grilled zucchini boats with a bacon gremolata, a new cocktail recipe dubbed ‘The Camel Toe’ for you vodka and tropical drink lovers, and a refreshing watermelon sangria.

I’ll have a few stories to share that took place with my friend Brett, especially our afternoon visit to Turq’s in Dana Point where we get talked to death by druken senior citizens, some additional video of the San Clemente Pier, a review of the Original Pedro’s tacos, some random shots at Cook’ Corner, Dana Point Harbor, S.C. Pier, and more.

This upcoming weekend, my wife and I are going to the Huck Finn Jubilee up in Victorville, CA with our friends Brian and his fiance Shea as well as my college friend Sam and his wife Alicia.  We’ll be there for the beer, food, and good ‘ole bluegrass music and banjo championships.  I expect to get some good vittles there and hopefully taste some good brews.

On the technical side of things, I just upgraded the NextGen Gallery here to v1.5.3 and I also finally purchased a ‘shoot & share’ video camera in the form of the purple Kodak Playsport along with a 8GB SD card.  I’ve posted a few videos up at YouTube, and I hope to not only use it this weekend at the Jubilee, but also do some grilling recipe and preparation “How-To” videos here in the future.  I also have to finish the Earthbox series that I began a few weeks back.  I already have some great jalepeno peppers and tons of cilantro that we are using.

I did have one bummer issue that happened over the weekend.  This past Saturday my Behringer 502 USB mixing board died on me.  I was actually right in the middle of recording a podcast with Brett and at about the 40 minute mark there was a slight pop in my earphones and when I looked at the screen for status I noticed a flat line on Audacity.  The board is just over a year old (March ’09)  and I purchased it through Amazon.  Of course I don’t have the box anymore, so I’m gonna try and get an RMA straight from Behringer, and looking at their support website it appears that they make you jump through hoops for repair. *Sigh*.  The good news is I picked up my Zoom recorder and was able to finish our podcast, but I’ll have to mash the two files together and do some additional editing before I get the next episode posted….maybe in another week since this weekend is already claimed.

The last few days I’ve had a mild case of writers block when it’s come to thinking about a topic to discuss .  Oh, I’ve had a few ideas percolating within the old noggin, mostly about my upcoming few days off, or some great beers I’ve recently had.   However, just as I was about to put it off for yet another day, I realized my place of employment has a rich cavern of stupid gems I can mine from on a regular basis, and today I struck gold!

We have a thing at work called ’5S’, and the majority of normal folk can’t tell you what all the S’s stand for (Sort, Shine are all I can remember), but it’s an idea developed by the Japanese that has something to do along the lines of making your place of employment a better overall experience.  It has to do with maintaining a clean and safe environment, things should look tidy and put away, everything in order…blah, blah, blah.  In concept it sounds like a decent idea, but in practice and personal experience it’s more of a hassle that only a few people seem to really get off on. 

And by a few people, I mean a minority handful of select kiss-asses who take this concept to an irrational level of eleven.  I swear, it has turned these individuals into the Gestapo of ridiculous policies where a committee of ‘yes men’ all pat themselves on the back for forming an adhoc committee to discuss the obvious.  The problem I have with it is that it takes all the ability of logical problem solving skills and responsibility of the sane workers and places it in the hands of a handful who take forever to rule on what would seem a no-brainer to the rest. 

This committee of five or six has a tour once every three months, armed with a digital camera, clip boards, and frazzled panic and walk around the facilities to point out and document things that need to be cleaned up, repaired, or fixed for safety reasons.  Like I said, 5S seems decent in concept, but now its more of a nuisance than anything else.  The majority of big ticket items were addressed the first few times.  Now I have the feeling they are just making shit up or going overboard to justify their own experience.  It’s as if they ‘have’ to find something on each walkthru now, and if they don’t they either failed or try harder.  It’s gotten nit-picky to epic proportions and eye-roll inducing at worst.  I am convinced they are on a mission to write anything down now just so they can say they found something.  God forbid the company actually passes one of these tours.  It has literally come down to things such as which font is used to mark a door, or how wide a tape marker is….a half inch or a quarter inch these days.

All this leads up to today’s asinine event: The speaker.

Apparently they had a dry run today for the actual walkthru on Wednesday of this week.  In one of our least populated buildings there is a secured area that only a few people have access to and way out of the way for a regular employee to find themselves near.   Now in that secured room which has plenty of open space, there is a single mono speaker sitting on a portable plastic step….in the corner. 

There is nothing special or noteworthy about this speaker other than the fact it looks like it came from Radio Shack back in the late 70′s as it is adorned with some tacky beige tweed fabric.  It doesn’t work, or at least it hasn’t been hooked up to anything in at least three years that I have been with the company, and I’m sure many years before that.  Like I said, it is sitting in a corner doing nothing but collecting dust.

Anyway, even though the ‘committee’ has walked through this area multiple times in the past and this speaker has never caused a problem, stolen any kids lunch money, or made racial epithets, today it has now become a red-ticket, high priority, def-con-one issue.  Why today and not the last dozen times they’ve walked through this room?  Your guess is as good as mine.

So the committee of managers and higher-up muckity-mucks decide to talk amongst themselves and call my boss.  My boss in turns talks with another supervisor to discuss who owns the speaker, what is it doing now, what was it’s original purpose, and what can the company do about it before Wednesday.  Both my boss and supervisor then contact yours truly to understand and glean information from me on the history and current dossier of the six inch woofer.  I explain that is has been there for longer than I have been employed here, that it is not hooked up nor has been for at least three years and that no one knows who is responsible for it judging from the quarter inch of dust on it.  I simply reply, “Throw it out.”

I am instead met with “Well, we have to follow procedures.” and “We have to make some calls.” and more back and forth banter between them seemingly goes on for much longer than a govermental selection and vetting process of a Supreme Court nominee. 

Finally, when it is all said and done, they open an electronic ticket for me in our work process flow system to have me dispose of the speaker.  This equates to me printing out a ticket, walking down to the building, grabbing the speaker, throwing it in the trash, walking back, and then closing out the ticket.  My manual labor of throwing the speaker out was all of 30 seconds….the paperwork I had to acknowledge and then sign afterwards about ten minutes worth.

Now why none of the Muckity-mucks couldn’t just throw it out themselves in the beginning and just be done with it?  Why make multiple phone calls to various people to discuss the fate of a speaker that is clear close to forty years old and doing nothing but holding down a non-moving step ladder?  Why open a ticket and assign it to me for something this ludicrous?  Who the hell knows other than to justify their won existence.  I mean why bother with trying to improve employee moral, or invest in new equipment to make our jobs easier, or strategizing about how to improve our overall standing in the marketplace….there are paperclips out of place somewhere and mismatching paper cups in the cafeteria, and by golly, we’re going to find them.

My neighbor Chip (not his real name) has a genuine soul.  Sometimes a bit rough around the edge’s, once you get to know him, he’s just a tattooed teddy bear.  I’ve known him for almost six years now, and he’s just as interesting now as he was on my skeptical first impression.  We’ve talked about doing a podcast together, and it’s juts a matter of scheduling to get him in to sit down.

He enjoys his music, he family, surfing, good conversation, skateboarding, and a mean drink.  I think his drink of choice would be beer followed closely with a tall screwdriver (orange juice and vodka).  We’ve been to bars together, backyard parties, neighborhood BBQ’s, and he always brings a special brand of entertainment, whether he means it or not.

Once you get past the colorful language and initial intimidation factors, you’ll recognize that you want Chip to be your friend.  He’s solid, through and through, very genuine and means what he says.  Granted he’s had a colorful history, his stories of years past raising hell will captivate just about anyone.  But in time, I suppose we all slow down.  His priorities is that of his family first, and to be an excellent neighbor, always willing to lend a helping hand.

However, as I alluded to prior, he can be quite entertaining, especially when libations are involved.  Chip got the nickname ‘Ozzy’, (a nickname I coined for him and take full credit for) one evening after a raucous round of imbibing around the fire that was blazing in the portable pit in my driveway a few years back.  The neighbors had all come down as we collect occasionally on a Friday night after work.  Chip was in rare form (or perhaps not so rare if I think about it) hitting the sauce a lit harder than usual.  Maybe it was just an empty stomach, or the way my wife tends to pour drinks, but as the night wore on, Chip’s speech became more and more incomprehensible to the point where it literally sounds like mumbling from a mouth full of greased up marbles. 

Chip walking home

At one point he tried to walk home down the street, a total of 50 yards or so and it seemed to take all of 15 minutes.  We watched him walk away, trying ever so hard to walk a straight line from point A to point B, his home, however, it looked more like a dashed line that Billy from Family Circus would take.  There were multiple false starts and finishes, bobbing and weaving to the left and then to the right.  Zigs and zags aplenty as we all watched in marvel and he continued to mumble on and on to himself in the quiet of the night. 

It’s as if he were channeling Ozzy Osbourne himself.  A train wreck in comedy that you just cannot seem to take your eyes off of.  And thus when I muttered something in reference to his behavior and that of Ozzy, a nicknamed legend was born.

Not to long ago, the boys had decided to go out for hot wings and a few brews so we all hopped in my car to pick up my friend Jon.  Jon is in the business of IP based security systems, and thus has a few camera’s strategically placed around his house that are always active.  In the videos below, you’ll see a sober Chip discovering one of the camera’s and letting his playful side come out.  How often to get to witness a man in his mid 40′s let down his guard and interact like a little kid making faces and comedic gestures to the camera?

Video #1 (Doesn’t he look like Andy Capp?):

Video #2 captured shortly thereafter: