Cocktail Confessions

Many congratulations to my wife, who just celebrated her ten year milestone at her place of employment.  I actually believe she’s been there a bit longer as she started off as a temporary employee before the company officially hired her as a full time employee.

The last few years have been a mental struggle for her, as I imagine it would be for anyone after ten years.  It’s hard to be continually challenged and motivated after so many years, especially when there are a lot of changes to the corporate structure every few months or so.  At times it can be very stressful for her as she will come home and tell me about some new bombshell that drops unexpectedly and a whole new management team is coming in.  It’s actually happened quite a few times with more and more frequency the last couple of years where they have had at least four different CEO’s within that time frame.  As you imagine, with each regime change, there is always new people coming in, old people leaving (not necessarily by choice), and shake-ups as to who is now reporting to who.

With all that being said, however, she has a decent job.  She works less than ten minutes from our house, every day is casual day, and her hours are somewhat flexible.  For as much heartache as it gives her, it could be a lot worse.

Needless to say, for her ten years of effort the parent company gave her an eight page catalog in which she can select a gift.  She brought the catalog home last night to show me and I honestly have to say, what a fricken’ joke.  I don’t know who at that company is in charge of employee relations or morale, but I cannot help but imagine some old little bitty who knits tea cozies is at the head of this thing.  All the gifts are so cheap looking, tacky, useless, or just plain outdated.

I had to laugh at the artwork section.  After ten years of service, who in the hell in their right mind is going to choose a piece of artwork by some unknown artist that you can easily pick up at a swap meet and look right at home in a dental office?  I mean really…a picture of a lion? An eagle soaring?  A barn in the middle of nowhere USA? Pathetic.

How about the ladies pastel pink checkered golf bag from 1970?  The brushed nickel analog clock paper weight?  How about the sterling silver ring some inlaid polished rock you’ve never heard of?  If those don’t catch your fancy, how about the glass bowl party snack holder?  The fluted vase?  The leather luggage tags?  Are you kidding me?  Ten years of service and you can have leather luggage tags.

Absolutely embarrassing and sad.  It’s not even my award and I feel insulted for her.  Why not just give her a healthy bonus check?  They think that picking some stupid flea market ‘Big Lots’ clearance reject is some lofty gesture on their part to show gratitude and appreciation for all those years of dedication.  I know, how about give her an extra week of vacation, or why not the catalog that the CEO gets to pick from.  Do you think for a minute that the CEO (if one ever lasts that long) is going to choose the simulated mahogany 5×7” picture frame?  He’d throw the catalog back across the desk, take his family out for a 5-star meal and charge it back as a business expense and laugh the whole way home.  I know I would.

My wife decided to look up many of these gifts to see their value on the Internet.  As you would expect, the majority fell along the lines of $59-$79 dollars, with the majority landing on the lower end of that spectrum.

With that being said there was one item in the catalog that may actually have some value to our family, and not necessarily for her, but more for me.  My wife was gracious enough to extend her gift to me instead and made the suggestion that we pick this particular item: a charcoal smoker.  Despite the fact that at Lowe’s it actually does retail for $59 (probably cheaper during July 4^th weekend or end of summer sale), my wife is sacrificing her earned gift to me which is a very generous and appreciated gesture.  So, I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to her and let her know I love her.

Now, once we get it, perhaps in her honor we can do a really nice smoked brisket and invite some of her close coworkers to our house later this summer for a celebratory BBQ.  It’ll give me a great excuse to try a new recipe and buy some nice apple or hickory wood and a stove-pipe charcoal starter with real ‘wood’ briquettes.  I’ll do a review of it once we try it out down the line.